Forgiveness, Part 2 (Episode 1 - Archive)Forgiveness, Part 2 (Episode 1 - Archive)
Relational Recovery
Wes Thompson and Austin Hill talk about why forgiving yourself can feel harder than forgiving others and how that struggle feeds shame and addiction. Their conversation links self-forgiveness, control, and the urge to self-punish, offering a candid look at how real forgiveness can open the door to healing.
6:52•1 Oct 2026
Forgiveness, Self-Hatred, and the Hard Work of Letting Yourself Off the Hook
Episode Overview
- Forgiveness challenges people to give up control over how others see them and whether they choose to forgive.
- Many people live as if they must earn love, which keeps them stuck in performance and fear of being truly known.
- Struggling to forgive yourself can slide into self-hatred and a “I’ll show you, I’ll hurt me” mindset.
- That self-punishing attitude can feed addictions such as drug use and alcoholism, reinforcing negative beliefs about oneself.
- Experiencing genuine forgiveness and another chance in relationships can be deeply healing and life-giving.
“Addiction is a life of lies and manipulation, and the person we lie to the most is ourself.”
What drives someone to seek a life without alcohol and other destructive habits? This conversation between Wes Thompson and Austin Hill leans into one surprising answer: forgiveness. The chat picks up mid-series on forgiveness, but this section zeroes in on how hard it can be to forgive yourself, especially if you’re coming out of addiction or any pattern of unwanted behaviour.
Austin points out that addiction is “a life of lies and manipulation, and the person we lie to the most is ourself.” For them, forgiveness isn’t a soft, fluffy idea; it’s a gritty decision that means giving up control over how others see you and whether they choose to forgive you. You’ll hear them unpack how many “good” people live in quiet penance, constantly trying to earn love—from others, from God, and even from themselves.
Wes shares the fear that if people really knew him, they wouldn’t love him, which leads to performing and pretending instead of resting in love that’s freely given. The episode also connects lack of self-forgiveness with self-hatred and destructive choices. That inner script of “I’m bad” can slide into, “I’ll show you, I’ll hurt me,” showing up in drug use, alcoholism, and other harmful behaviours.
Their work at The Refuge shapes much of this perspective, but the way they talk keeps things relatable to anyone who’s ever beaten themselves up for not being perfect. The tone stays honest and down-to-earth, with both men admitting they’re still learning how to forgive themselves.
If you’re stuck in shame, constantly trying to prove you’re worthy, or scared people would leave if they saw the real you, this conversation might help you ask a braver question: what would change if you stopped punishing yourself and started accepting forgiveness?
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