God where are you when I want to give up?

God where are you when I want to give up?

How do people find hope in the darkest times? This conversation on *The Call with Nancy Sabato* follows Jay Mccarl as he talks honestly about moving from suicidal despair to a lifelong walk with Jesus, shaped by the Jesus Movement of the late 1960s and early 1970s. Jay shares how, as a teenager in Southern California, he was spiritually dried out and convinced that if God didn’t exist, then nothing mattered.

He even prayed, "God, if you're not there, I'm going to kill myself. So you've got to show me by tomorrow." The very next day, two classmates invited him to a Christian club, where a former NFL linebacker spoke about hope and Jesus in a way that cut straight through his cynicism.

From there, you’ll hear vivid stories of Calvary Chapel Costa Mesa’s "tent days": thousands of hippies and surfers in flip-flops, bands like Love Song and Mustard Seed Faith, and preachers such as Chuck Smith and Lonnie Frisbee. Jay describes powerful gatherings where "about 200 people came forward to receive the Lord" and how those nights convinced him that God was actively at work. The episode also tracks Jay’s inner battles with pride and ambition.

A key moment comes when he is offered a dream trip touring with musician Bob Ayala, only to be confronted by his mentor: "Jay, you're all about yourself." Faced with a painful choice, he sits down with a yellow pad, weighs the pros and cons, and decides to say no. Looking back, he sees that decision as "the big fork in the road" that pushed him towards pastoral ministry and deeper surrender.

This is aimed at people who feel worn out, invisible, or on the edge of giving up, and who might be wondering whether God really sees them. Expect candid stories, imperfect people, and a strong message that hope can break in exactly when everything feels lost. If you’ve ever asked, "God, where are you?", this conversation may echo your own questions.