Green Flags in RelationshipsGreen Flags in Relationships
Bold Beautiful Borderline
Laurie and Sara talk through what “green flags” in relationships look like, especially for people with BPD, touching on boundaries, self-care, accountability and vulnerability. They share personal stories and grey-area reflections to show how healthy connections can still feel uncomfortable when you’re used to chaos.
45:17•18 Sept 2022
Green Flags: What Healthy Relationships Look Like with BPD
Episode Overview
- Green flags include people who honour your boundaries, hold their own, and communicate openly, even when that initially feels like rejection.
- Supportive partners encourage personal growth and projects, while also maintaining balance and their own needs.
- Taking self-responsibility and being self-reflective are crucial, including knowing what is your issue and what is “a you problem.”
- Self-care, value alignment, and honest conversations about things like politics, kids, and spirituality help prevent silent resentment.
- Vulnerability—especially around sex and intimacy—is hard but important, and having BPD does not mean you’re automatically full of red flags.
“Just because you have borderline personality disorder doesn't mean you inherently have a million red flags that should make people run away from you.”
What can we learn from those who have battled addiction? Here, the focus is on relationships and the often confusing signals that come with them, especially if you’re living with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD). Hosts Laurie Edmundson and Sara Amundson chat candidly about “green flags” – the signs that a relationship (romantic or otherwise) might actually be safe, healthy, and worth investing in.
They contrast these with the “red flags” they covered in a previous episode, while openly acknowledging how BPD, insecure attachment, and trauma can twist safe behaviour into something that feels like rejection. You’ll hear them break down why someone honouring your boundaries – and holding their own – can feel terrifying when your brain screams abandonment.
Sara shares how her partner Andrew calmly steps away to regulate, and how her “shithole of a brain” initially interprets that as rejection instead of care. Laurie and Sara also talk about open communication, personal growth, and how their partners support projects like this podcast, even when it means exposing their private lives on air.
Key “green flags” they highlight include self-responsibility (“that’s a you problem”), self-reflection, practising self-care, and having the courage to say, “I’m not ready to work on that yet.” They also tackle trickier areas like spirituality, long-standing relationships, political and value alignment, and how monogamy and marriage don’t automatically equal success. A big section is devoted to vulnerability, particularly around sex, with Sara speaking frankly about how hookup culture, queerness, and past trauma make emotional vulnerability in sex incredibly hard.
Both hosts stress that having BPD doesn’t mean you’re full of red flags; in many cases, doing the work gives you more empathy, better boundaries, and deeper connection. If relationships often feel like a minefield, this chat offers relatable stories, plenty of humour, and some practical ideas for spotting the “green” in all that grey. Which of these green flags do you recognise in your own relationships?
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