How Rituals Help Us Find Meaning in Times of Change | Bruce FeilerHow Rituals Help Us Find Meaning in Times of Change | Bruce Feiler
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Bruce Feiler joins Eric Zimmer to talk about why humans crave ritual and how modern, personalised ceremonies can bring meaning, connection and comfort in times of change. Through stories of funerals, family transitions and medical treatments, they show practical ways shared acts can help people hold grief and hope together.
1:06:24•14 Jul 2026
Shared Rituals, Good Wolves and Finding Home in Times of Change
Episode Overview
- Rituals are shared, unnecessary acts that can make people feel safer and more at home during unstable times.
- Many traditional, scripted ceremonies feel empty, so people are creating personalised rituals that reflect real lives and relationships.
- Modern examples like chemo bells, hospice honour walks and tailored funerals show how small collective acts can transform a "grey murky mess" of emotion.
- Family "group keepers" play a quiet but vital role in mediating conflicts and shaping rituals that include everyone’s perspective.
- Thoughtfully designed gatherings around what a person loved can help mourners both honour the past and imagine a hopeful future together.
“I define a ritual as a shared unnecessary act that makes us feel at home.”
How do people manage co-occurring mental and physical health issues while recovering? This conversation between host Eric Zimmer and author Bruce Feiler looks at how rituals can steady us when life gets chaotic, from grief and illness to parenting and major transitions. Bruce shares vivid stories from his own life, like dropping his twin daughters at university and feeling "homesick in my own home", and surviving cancer treatment without the collective support of a chemo bell.
He explains that years of research and 300,000 years of human history show that "ritual works", even as many traditional, top‑down ceremonies feel hollow today. As he puts it, people are turning away from "the mindless, meaning‑free birth, the funeral that's just reading from the script", but they still deeply want meaningful ways to gather.
Together, Eric and Bruce talk through modern examples of ritual that bring comfort and connection: hospice staff lining the hallway and ringing a bell as Eric’s mum is taken out, Irish funerals that mix football anthems with classic prayers, and new practices like chemo bells and forest bathing groups.
Bruce’s practical definition keeps things grounded: "I define a ritual as a shared unnecessary act that makes us feel at home." The episode also digs into the idea of being a "group keeper" – the family member or friend who quietly organises, mediates and holds people together when everything feels like a "grey murky mess".
Bruce walks Eric through designing a personalised memorial around his mum’s beloved Ohio State football, showing how small acts, shared stories and even slightly silly traditions can help a family grieve and move forward. If you’ve faced loss, big life changes, or the ongoing work of recovery, you’ll find lots of practical language and examples here for creating your own rituals of healing, connection and hope.
What shared moments could you shape into rituals that help your people feel more at home?
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