Why the Need for Certainty Is Holding You Back | Simone StolzoffWhy the Need for Certainty Is Holding You Back | Simone Stolzoff
The One You Feed
Eric Zimmer talks with Simone Stolzoff about why the need for certainty can fuel anxiety and poor decisions. They look at practical ways to build tolerance for uncertainty, accept doubt and still move towards a meaningful life, even through grief and loss.
1:05:13•30 Jun 2026
Why Chasing Certainty Makes Life Harder with Simone Stolzoff
Episode Overview
- The brain is wired to treat uncertainty like danger, but many modern unknowns are uncomfortable rather than truly life-threatening.
- Comfort, hubris and control can trap people in jobs, relationships and habits that feel safe but block growth and change.
- Simple tools like coin flips, the only option test and asking "What does this choice say about who I am?" can ease decision paralysis.
- Dissenting views and a bit of doubt often lead to better decisions, even though diverse groups feel less comfortable than like-minded ones.
- Facing painful uncertainty, such as medical waiting or miscarriage, can deepen presence and clarify what really matters in life.
“In order to build this uncertainty tolerance, we have to tell ourselves a different story, which is that uncertainty does not necessarily mean danger.”
What can we learn from those who have battled addiction and then turned their attention to everyday struggles like uncertainty and overthinking? This conversation between host Eric Zimmer and writer Simone Stolzoff looks at why craving certainty can quietly run your life – and keep you stuck. Drawing on psychology, neuroscience, philosophy and his own story, Simone explains why the brain treats uncertainty like danger.
From the classic “sabre‑toothed tiger in the bushes” example to research on how waiting for medical results is often more stressful than bad news itself, he shows how the mind is wired to panic when it can’t predict what’s coming. You’ll hear his framework of the three “certainty traps” – comfort, hubris and control – and their antidotes of openness, humility and acceptance.
He and Eric swap real-life examples, from job choices and relationships to the way smartphones and AI have turned into “certainty machines” that reduce our capacity to sit with not knowing. Simone’s personal story of losing a pregnancy while writing a book about uncertainty brings the ideas down to earth. That week of waiting for a heartbeat, he says, made him and his wife strangely present, even as they feared the worst.
Grief, the serenity prayer, and the idea that “commitment is healthiest not in the absence of doubt, but in spite of doubt” all thread into a gentle challenge: can you live a good life without guarantees? For anyone in recovery, or simply stuck in analysis paralysis, this episode offers practical ways to build “uncertainty tolerance” so you can make decisions, accept doubt, and still move forward.
Where might your own need for certainty be quietly holding you back – and what small risk could you take next?
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