How To Avoid A Relapse: Frequently Asked QuestionsHow To Avoid A Relapse: Frequently Asked Questions
I Love Being Sober
Tim Westbrook answers common questions about avoiding relapse, covering dating, sex, sponsors, work and spiritual fitness through his own experiences and opinions. The conversation focuses on honesty, routines and the people you surround yourself with as key ingredients for staying sober.
52:07•26 Jul 2022
Relapse Fears, Dating Rules and Spiritual Fitness in Sobriety
Episode Overview
- Waiting at least a year before dating gives space to work the steps and prevent relationships from becoming a new "solution".
- Using sex, secrecy or multiple partners as emotional escape can mirror addictive behaviour and increase relapse risk.
- Any mind-altering substance, even if it’s not your original drug of choice or used overseas, is treated as a relapse.
- Early recovery is safer with low-stress "recovery jobs" rather than jumping back into high-pressure careers.
- Spiritual fitness requires ongoing routines like meetings, step work, prayer, meditation and healthy living to keep the obsession at bay.
“Spiritual fitness is like being physically fit. You don’t just go to the gym and get in shape and then stop going to the gym.”
What drives someone to seek a life without alcohol? This episode of *I Love Being Sober* zooms in on one of the biggest fears in recovery: relapse, and all the awkward, messy questions people are often too shy to ask out loud. Host Tim Westbrook answers a stack of frequently asked questions with straight talk, personal experience, and plenty of real-world examples.
You’ll hear him tackle dating in early sobriety (his sponsor’s rule of thumb was a full year), and why "sex can be the replacement for drinking and using" when someone just wants to sleep around. He links casual hook-ups, secrecy and "alcoholic behaviour" to the guilt and shame that quietly push people back towards a drink or drug.
Relationships get a lot of airtime here: dating people who still drink, whether it’s possible to sleep around without harming others, and how honest intimacy with friends in recovery can be more powerful than sexual intimacy. Tim shares how crying in AA meetings and building "below the surface" connections helped him feel genuinely fulfilled rather than restless and irritable. Practical questions keep things grounded: Can you drink overseas and pretend it doesn’t count?
(He calls that "a silly question".) Does using something other than your drug of choice still count as a relapse? How many sponsors is too many, and how do you know when it’s time to change sponsors without dodging hard conversations?
Tim also talks about "spiritual fitness" like physical fitness: once you’ve worked hard to get in shape, you have to keep doing the same things that got you there—meetings, step work, prayer, meditation, exercise, and healthy routines—to stay on track. He shares stories of people who chose low-stress "recovery jobs" and those who chased high-pressure careers too early, with tragic results.
If you’re asking yourself tough questions about dating, drugs, family, work and what truly keeps you sober, this episode offers clear opinions, relatable stories and plenty of food for thought. What parts of your life are quietly pulling you away from the person you’re trying to become?
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