Hurt People Hurt People (Feat. Matt Part 2)Hurt People Hurt People (Feat. Matt Part 2)
Bold Beautiful Borderline
Sara and Matt share raw stories of jealousy, cheating, petty revenge and co-parenting through the lens of BPD, highlighting shame, growth and repair. They discuss DBT skills, gendered perceptions of "crazy" behaviour and why asking for help can soften lifelong patterns of hurt people hurting people.
40:17•16 Aug 2026
Hurt People, Messy Breakups and Healing with Matt
Episode Overview
- Hurt and untreated BPD can drive extreme reactions in relationships, including revenge behaviours, threats and emotional outbursts.
- Alcohol and drugs can intensify jealousy and conflict, masking deeper wounds and making repair after betrayal even harder.
- Co-parenting after separation can be both heartbreaking and stabilising, with guilt coexisting alongside a stronger, more intentional style of parenting.
- DBT tools like the STOP skill and radical acceptance help interrupt spirals, create space and reduce the damage caused during emotional storms.
- Reaching out for help, especially for men who feel pressured to cope alone, can make intense emotions more manageable and bring connection with people who truly understand.
“People need to understand that we're wounded people, not bad people.”
What makes a recovery story truly inspiring? This conversation between Sara and Matt digs into the messy, uncomfortable side of relationships, breakups and Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) with zero sugar-coating and a surprising amount of humour. You’ll hear Matt trace an 18-year relationship built on heavy drinking, weed, jealousy and volatility, and how a single act of cheating left a wound that never really healed.
He talks candidly about his ex-partner’s affair, reading her Facebook messages, the police being called, and even petty acts of revenge like "I picked up her toothbrush and I ran it around the inside of the toilet and put it back in the pot." It’s brutally honest, often darkly funny, and painfully relatable for anyone who’s acted out when hurt.
The episode also follows Matt through the heartbreak of becoming a co-parent, describing the day he left the family home and cried in the car after realising he’d never live full-time with his daughters again. At the same time, he explains how shared custody unexpectedly makes him a more present dad, even while the guilt never fully lifts. Sara mirrors his stories with her own: hacking into an ex’s email, emotional outbursts, and dramatic break-up behaviour.
Together they compare how similar behaviours in men and women are judged differently—"as a woman, I get to be just perceived as crazy… you get to be perceived as a man as like an asshole or abusive." Towards the end, Matt answers rapid-fire questions about being a man with BPD, rejection sensitivity, DBT skills like STOP and radical acceptance, and why asking for help in his forties changed everything.
At its heart, this chat is about shame, repair, and the hopeful truth that "we're wounded people, not bad people." If you’ve ever cringed at your past behaviour and wondered if you can still grow, this one’s likely to hit home.
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