I Can’t Handle One More Change of PlansI Can’t Handle One More Change of Plans
Sober Friends
Matt and Steve talk about how disrupted plans, ADHD and autism can amplify stress in sobriety, and how they use AA tools instead of alcohol to cope. Their chat blends personal chaos, boundaries, and helping newcomers, all anchored in the simple goal of not picking up the first drink.
36:04•6 Oct 2026
Chaos, ADHD and Sobriety: When One More Change Feels Like Too Much
Episode Overview
- Sudden changes of plans can be a major emotional trigger, especially for those with ADHD or autism, and recognising personal limits is crucial.
- Alcohol once “worked” as a regulator, but for people in addiction it ultimately adds more chaos rather than relief.
- Unspoken frustrations tend to build into meltdowns; expressing needs earlier helps avoid explosive reactions.
- Recovery programmes, including AA, daily prayer and reviewing the day, provide practical tools to handle chaos without drinking.
- Helping newcomers in meetings—handing out big books like grass seed—may not reach everyone, but the ones who stick can strengthen the whole recovery community.
“The problem I had had was that alcohol wasn’t that alcohol didn’t work. The problem is it worked well and was my way to regulate.”
How do people cope with the everyday chaos that used to send them straight to a drink? This conversation on Sober Friends zooms in on exactly that question, with Matt and Steve unpacking how disrupted plans can feel like the last straw in early or long-term recovery.
Matt talks bluntly about living with ADHD and level one autism, and how sudden changes in routine can leave him “past capacity… overwhelmed… shutting down.” A weekend of caring for his very unwell father-in-law, juggling kids’ activities, and being shaken awake for last-minute lifts becomes a real-time example of how quickly emotional bandwidth can disappear.
He admits, “Sometimes I have to explode to feel like I have been heard,” and reflects on how alcohol once felt like his main tool for regulation. Steve brings in his own brand of “self-made chaos,” offering to help friends close pools and fix electrics, then resenting the disruption.
But instead of using that as an excuse to drink, he leans on his AA programme, prayer, and meetings: “If you don’t pick up a drink today, everything else is possible.” The pair talk about boundaries, resentment, and the difference between genuine crisis and the “broken shoelace” stuff that can still feel like a trigger.
There’s also a powerful metaphor about giving away AA big books like grass seed—knowing not all will “germinate,” but some will grow into strong recovery that helps others down the line. Anyone who’s ever felt that one more small change might break them will recognise themselves here. It’s candid, sometimes funny, sometimes raw, and firmly rooted in the simple message: keep the plug in the jug, use the tools, and keep growing.
What’s your version of that 11th thing that pushes you over the edge?
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