Loving Those Who Use YouLoving Those Who Use You
Resilient Truths
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54:14•18 Nov 2023
Loving Those Who Use You: Narcissists, Faith and Protecting Your Peace
Episode Overview
- Narcissists rely on attention, compliments and control, yet remain perpetually dissatisfied and insecure.
- Forgiving someone does not require ongoing contact; healthy forgiveness includes clear, firm boundaries.
- Keeping proof and documentation can protect you when dealing with manipulative or narcissistic people.
- Unprocessed trauma, including sexual abuse and exposure to death or violence, can heavily affect relationships and behaviour.
- Protecting your energy, praying, and being a good steward of your time and resources are crucial when someone only uses you.
“Forgiveness comes with boundaries. Forgiveness doesn't make you a doormat.”
What drives someone to seek a life free from people who use and abuse their trust? This episode of Resilient Truths centres on loving narcissistic individuals while protecting your own heart, with Dr. Theresa M Bell breaking down the messy, painful reality of these relationships in plain, everyday language. Dr. Bell talks about narcissists as "control freaks" whose lives are built on facades, explaining how their deep insecurity fuels manipulation, bullying and emotional abuse.
She describes how they "feed off" attention, compliments and affirmation, and why, for them, "you can't please a narcissist" – whatever you give is never enough. For anyone who's tried to love someone who repeatedly hurts them, some of the most striking moments come when she addresses guilt and forgiveness. Her reminder that "forgiveness comes with boundaries" and "forgiveness doesn't make you a doormat" speaks directly to people stuck in cycles of taking a narcissist back over and over.
The conversation ranges across faith, trauma and mental health. Dr. Bell draws on her own experience in therapy for sexual abuse and her work in human services to stress the need for proper support: talking to people "that's got some education" rather than those who only gossip. She also connects narcissistic behaviour with unprocessed trauma, war experiences, and fear of ageing and death, framing all of this within her Christian belief in repentance and purpose.
You’ll hear practical advice on guarding your energy, keeping records when dealing with manipulative people, setting firm boundaries, and walking away when things become dangerous, including domestic violence and stalking. The core message is clear: pray, protect your spirit, and "do whatever you need to do to save you, yourself, your children if you got". If you've ever felt drained by someone who only sees you as a tool, could this be the perspective you need to reclaim your peace?
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