Loving Those Who Do Not Love YouLoving Those Who Do Not Love You
Resilient Truths
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1:10:34•18 Nov 2023
Loving Those Who Don’t Love You: Narcissists, Boundaries and Getting Your Life Back
Episode Overview
- Loving someone who constantly takes and never gives back can drain your energy and is a sign of a toxic, narcissistic dynamic.
- Narcissistic individuals often use control, manipulation, gaslighting and “flying monkeys” to keep you down and protect their image.
- You cannot change a narcissist; they must want change themselves, so your focus has to be on boundaries, safety and, if needed, legal protection.
- Investing in yourself through learning, work you love, and practical problem-solving helps rebuild confidence and reduces dependence on unhealthy relationships.
- Anyone who does not respect your boundaries does not truly respect you, and cutting ties may be essential for your emotional and spiritual well-being.
“Anybody that don’t respect your boundaries, your self-love don’t respect you.”
How do people find strength in their journey to sobriety and emotional freedom when they’re stuck loving someone who doesn’t seem to love them back? Dr. Theresa M Bell takes that painful question head-on by talking frankly about narcissistic relationships, energy drain, and why staying in one-sided love can feel like slow emotional suicide.
Speaking from her experience as a behaviour analyst and from her own life, she breaks down narcissistic personality traits in everyday language: grand public image, secret shame, deep insecurity, and a constant need to feed off other people’s energy. She explains how “energy vampires” and so-called “flying monkeys” (the friends who side with the narcissist) can leave you exhausted, doubting your reality, and questioning your worth. This conversation is honest, raw, and rooted in faith. Dr.
Bell weaves in scripture like “be not unequally yoked” and “don’t cast your pearls before swine” to stress why mutual giving matters, especially for those rebuilding after trauma, addiction, or abuse.
She warns that staying with someone who controls, gaslights, or devalues you is “wasting your life,” because, as she puts it, “a narcissist is never going to turn around and look at you and pour into you.” You’ll also hear practical ideas for rebuilding your own life: setting firm boundaries, considering legal protection if needed, investing in education at any age, using small creative solutions to manage health challenges, and turning constant gossip into genuine support work.
Through stories about fixing cars in a junkyard, lifting a bag of potatoes to ease arthritis, and building a career she loves, Dr. Bell shows what it looks like to pour into yourself instead of pouring everything into people who only take. If you’ve ever felt drained, used, or guilty for wanting more from a relationship, this conversation might nudge you to ask a hard question: are the people around you celebrating you, or just tolerating you?
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