ML 002: You Don't Find Your Soulmate...You Build OneML 002: You Don't Find Your Soulmate...You Build One
Deepen with Christina
Christina Weber and Brian Howie talk about love as a trainable skill, sharing ideas like 90 days of no contact after breakups and building, rather than finding, a soulmate. They highlight play, laughter and conscious effort as keys to long-term, satisfying relationships.
1:05:13•23 Sept 2026
Building, Not Finding, Your Soulmate: Love as a Trainable Skill
Episode Overview
- Love is framed as a skill that can be studied, practised and improved, rather than a random stroke of luck.
- A 90-day no contact period after a breakup is presented as a way to break emotional addiction, regain individuality and assess what you truly miss.
- Soulmates are described as relationships that are built and earned over time, not magical people you simply bump into.
- Play, laughter and curiosity are highlighted as essential ingredients for long-term connection, not optional extras.
- Studying love through coaching, communities and structured experiences is encouraged as seriously as studying career or fitness.
“"I don't believe you meet your soulmate. Tell me when you're 80 that you cultivated a soulmate relationship with that human being."”
What drives someone to seek a life of deep, lasting love instead of chasing the next fleeting spark? This conversation between relationship facilitator Christina Weber and Great Love Debate host Brian Howie zooms in on love as a skill you can actually practise. Christina opens by sharing her belief that "love is a trainable skill that you can master with study, practice" and that your intimacy journey is basically your life story.
From there, the two unpack why being single can be a compliment, why so many people stay in the wrong relationships for years, and how much time gets wasted in partnerships that were clearly misaligned from the start. One of the most memorable sections focuses on Christina’s favourite tool: a 90-day period of no contact after a breakup.
She frames it as a way to break addiction to a partner, regain sovereignty, and work out whether you miss the person or just the routine. Brian adds humour and realism, pointing out that "a lot of people would rather be in a bad relationship than no relationship" and reflecting on how absence can clarify what truly matters. They also challenge the fantasy of “finding” a soulmate.
Christina argues that "you don’t meet your soulmate" – you build a soulmate relationship over time through effort, shared growth, and conscious design. Play and laughter come up again and again: for her, a partner is a “number one playmate”, someone you’ll do recess with for the rest of your life. Along the way, they touch on jealousy as useful data, monogamy versus polyamory, and the importance of actually studying love the way people study careers or fitness.
If you’re tired of repeating the same relationship patterns, this conversation might nudge you to ask: are you waiting for love to happen, or are you training for the kind of love you really want?
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