Navigating the Depths of Sexual Addiction with Gary KatzNavigating the Depths of Sexual Addiction with Gary Katz
Addict II Athlete Podcast
Therapist Gary Katz joins Blu Robinson to talk about sexual addiction, shame and betrayal, examining how compulsive sexual behaviour affects both individuals and partners. The discussion outlines why this kind of betrayal hurts so much and offers practical ideas for rebuilding trust, intimacy and self-compassion.
53:29•8 Apr 2025
Sex, Shame and Betrayal: Gary Katz on Healing Sexual Addiction
Episode Overview
- Addiction, including sexual addiction, can be understood as self-abandonment and avoidance of genuine intimacy with oneself.
- Sex and porn can either be used to connect with oneself and others or to escape feelings; the intention and impact matter more than the act alone.
- Betrayed partners are not at fault and often face deep wounds around trust, self-worth and reality, with healing taking many months or longer.
- Men frequently struggle with emotional literacy and fear of conflict, which can lead to resentment and fuel compulsive sexual behaviours.
- Healthy recovery involves individual therapy, group support and couples work aimed at rebuilding safety, honesty and emotional intimacy.
“"Addiction is a form of self-abandonment… it's a way to not be intimate with myself."”
How do people find strength in their journey to sobriety when sex and pornography are part of the picture? This conversation between host Blu Robinson and therapist Gary Katz goes straight into that uncomfortable territory many people avoid, but secretly worry about. Gary, founder of the Centre for Intimacy Recovery, talks about sexual addiction as "a form of self-abandonment" – no different in principle from using drink, drugs, work or shopping to get away from uncomfortable feelings.
He explains the crucial difference between using sex or porn to connect with yourself and others, and using it to escape yourself. You’ll hear Gary unpack why sexual betrayal cuts so deeply, especially for partners.
He spells out the "I'm not enough" pain many spouses feel and why secrecy around sex is so shattering: "Your person has become the most dangerous person in the world because their hurt hurts more than a stranger's hurt." He also stresses that betrayed partners are never to blame and may need 18–24 months for their nervous system to calm down.
The conversation shines a light on men's shame, people-pleasing, fear of conflict and how stuffed emotions can fuel compulsive sexual behaviour. Blu and Gary talk honestly about dead bedrooms, mother–son dynamics in marriages, and why some couples stop having sex even without obvious betrayal. For anyone dealing with porn, affairs, or secrecy around sex – or loving someone who is – this episode offers plain-language explanations, gentle humour, and practical ideas for healing, including individual therapy, groups, and couples work.
It’s especially useful if you’re in recovery from substances and noticing sexual compulsivity creeping in, or if you’re the partner stuck between love, anger and confusion. What if understanding the patterns is the first step to choosing something different?
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