Overcoming The Shame of Relapse in Addiction RecoveryOvercoming The Shame of Relapse in Addiction Recovery
The One Day At A Time Recovery Podcast
Host Arlina Allen talks with therapist and recovering sex addict Tyler Patrick about the shame that follows relapse and how it often hurts more than the relapse itself. They discuss practical tools like the trauma tree model and the three Cs of shame resilience—context, courage, and compassion—to support sustainable recovery.
53:09•6 Aug 2026
Shame, Relapse and the Three Cs That Change Recovery
Episode Overview
- Relapse or acting out is the visible fruit of a deeper 'trauma tree' rooted in painful experiences and harsh core beliefs like "I’m not enough" or "I’m a failure".
- Shame keeps people stuck in a cycle where self‑hatred after a slip becomes the trigger for the next one, rather than a catalyst for change.
- The three Cs of shame resilience are: context (seeing addiction as a human struggle), courage (sharing your real story with safe people), and compassion (speaking to yourself like you would a best friend).
- Simple, repeated self‑compassion practices can gradually retrain the brain and nervous system, shifting automatic self‑attack into kinder internal dialogue.
- Long‑term recovery grows from small, consistent choices—aiming for "more yes than no"—rather than perfection or harsh self‑policing.
“"There's life on the other side of this and it's really beautiful."”
Get ready to be moved by real-life accounts of shame, relapse, and genuine change as Arlina Allen chats with therapist and long‑time recovering sex addict, Tyler Patrick.
This conversation is made for anyone who’s ever thought, “The shame after I slipped was worse than the relapse itself.” Tyler brings both professional and personal experience, openly sharing that shame was "the real problem even more so than the acting out itself." Together, they unpack why people keep ending up back at the same painful spot, even when they know exactly how much alcohol or acting out is costing them.
You’ll hear Tyler explain his "trauma tree" model, where the relapse or using is just the fruit, while buried roots of trauma and core beliefs like "I’m a failure" and "I’m unlovable" feed the whole thing. Arlina adds her own stories from alcohol recovery, including the brutal “racetrack” of shame and self‑hatred that keeps people stuck in the "case of the fuck-its".
The heart of the episode is Tyler’s three Cs of shame resilience: using *context* to see addiction as a human struggle rather than a personal defect, finding the *courage* to tell your story to safe people, and practising *compassion* instead of self‑annihilation. He breaks down a simple self‑compassion exercise based on Kristin Neff’s work, showing how repeating kinder messages to yourself can genuinely rewire your brain over time.
There’s humour, science, church‑porn stories (yes, really), and practical tools that don’t require perfection—just a bit more "yes" than "no". If you’ve relapsed, feel stuck in self‑loathing, or secretly believe you’re the only one who can’t get this right, this conversation might be the lifeline you’ve been needing. What if the real shift isn’t about never falling again, but about how you treat yourself when you do?
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