Reflections on shameReflections on shame
All In The Mind
Shame is a painful feeling of humiliation caused by bad or foolish behaviour and can affect our mental health. This is seen particularly in the rise of anxiety and of self-harm. But public shame - especially in our digital age - can be a strong tool to regulate our social behaviour.
28:56•23 Aug 2020
Reflections on Shame: Brains, Public Pile‑Ons and a Way Back In
Episode Overview
- Shame differs from guilt by involving an audience and a harsh, global judgment of the self, rather than a private assessment of behaviour.
- Brain imaging shows that guilt and shame can activate reward circuits, which helps explain why people may repeatedly return to self-blame.
- Modern shame is intensified by social media, creating a persistent “digital mark” that can make reintegration into work and community harder.
- Shame is closely tied to social anxiety, self-harm and post-traumatic stress, especially where people feel socially subordinate or unlovable.
- Healthy shame includes a clear path to reintegration: a brief period of stigma followed by support, rehabilitation and a way back into the group.
“"Healthy shame depends on having an automatic component of reintegration, where there may be an element of stigma... but there's an automatic attempt at reintegrating people."”
What drives someone to seek a life without the crushing weight of shame? This episode of All In The Mind takes that question seriously, looking at how shame operates in private lives, public scandals and even inside the brain. Psychiatrist Dr Tanvir Ahmed talks frankly about his own very public plagiarism scandals and how repeated exposure to online condemnation pushed him to rethink shame altogether.
Raised in a Bangladeshi Muslim "shame-based" culture, he recalls childhood punishments, social conformity and later the sting of being outed twice for professional mistakes. He argues that shame today often shows up as social anxiety, self-harm and post-traumatic stress, especially in a "media-rich, social media knitted together meritocracy" where comparison never stops.
Neuroscientist Dr Alex Korb adds a brain-based angle, explaining that guilt and shame involve the medial prefrontal cortex and our (sometimes overconfident) ability to guess what others think of us. In a striking point, he notes that "guilt and shame... also activated the reward centers in the brain", which helps explain why people can almost get hooked on self-blame as a way to feel in control.
Ahmed also looks at public shaming, from social media pile-ons to corporate scandals and campaigns like factory conditions in Bangladesh. He argues that "healthy shame" includes a built-in path to reintegration — a brief period of stigma followed by a clear way back into the fold. Without that, shame becomes more like a life sentence, amplified by what he calls the "digital mark" that never quite fades.
If you've ever carried a secret mistake, feared social judgment or struggled to find kinder language for your own suffering, this conversation asks you to consider: is shame always the enemy, or can it sometimes help reset our moral compass when used with compassion and a way back in?
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