Respect: What does it mean and what does it feel like?Respect: What does it mean and what does it feel like?
I Love Being Sober
Tim Westbrook and Mike Demeters talk candidly about respect, consent and boundaries in relationships, workplaces and recovery. Their conversation questions old norms and offers practical language for treating respect as non‑negotiable.
57:16•31 Oct 2023
Raising the Bar: Consent, Respect and Mutually Amazing Relationships
Episode Overview
- Respect should be given from the start, not treated as something people must earn to be seen and valued.
- Consent is only the minimum requirement; aiming for mutually amazing consensual sex raises the standard for healthy intimacy.
- Saying no to sex is a choice, not a rejection, and no one ever owes sexual activity to a partner.
- Leaders and parents should avoid hiding commands inside questions and instead be clear when something is not optional.
- Surrounding yourself with people who support your vision and recovery is crucial, even if it means letting go of old relationships.
“Consent is the bare minimum. If you’ve got it, all you can do is start. If you don’t have it, nothing can happen.”
What drives someone to seek a life that’s grounded in respect – for themselves and for others? This conversation between recovery advocate Tim Westbrook and respect specialist Mike Demeters zeroes in on how respect underpins healthy relationships, workplace culture, and long‑term sobriety.
Mike shares the powerful story behind his career: as a 19‑year‑old, he learned that his sister had been raped, a moment that shifted his life from rage and confusion into a mission to change how people think about consent and respect. Decades later, he works with schools, universities, the US military, and corporations, all with a clear message: “Consent is the bare minimum.
If you’ve got it, all you can do is start.” You’ll hear Mike and Tim break down why the old idea that “respect is earned, not given” quietly damages people’s self‑worth at work and at home. Mike argues that everyone deserves to feel seen and valued from day one, and that leaders should stop hiding commands inside fake questions like, “Can you get this done by five?” when there’s actually no choice involved.
The episode also gets very real about sex, shame, and boundaries. Mike introduces his standard of “mutually amazing consensual sex” and shows how many people have been taught to believe they owe sex to a partner, especially when they hear themselves saying, “Sorry, not tonight.” For anyone in recovery who’s rebuilding relationships, his practical advice on saying no without guilt, challenging people‑pleasing, and having honest conversations with partners can hit close to home.
Tim ties these ideas back to sobriety, highlighting the impact of environment, supportive relationships, and being wired to go “all in” on a mission. Whether you’re early in recovery, supporting someone you care about, or trying to build a healthier workplace, this episode offers clear, no‑nonsense language for talking about respect. It might leave you asking: where in your own life is respect still treated as optional, instead of essential?
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