She Mistook Approval For Love

She Mistook Approval For Love

What can we learn from those who have battled addiction to approval and perfection? This conversation between Nancy Sabato and author Tara Johnson centres on the quiet, exhausting life of a people pleaser who mistook approval for love and ended up in deep depression.

Tara shares how, as a preacher’s kid, she grew up believing that "God was happy when the church was happy." To keep everyone smiling, she became, in her friend’s words, "pretty much a rodeo clown"—the one distracting everyone from the mess with jokes and constant service. On the outside she looked like the cheerful Christian; inside she was driven by fear of rejection, resentment and burnout.

Things reached breaking point when her husband became critically ill and was repeatedly in intensive care. Tara describes sitting by his hospital bed, juggling deadlines and constant demands, and realising, "If I've created this environment where people feel free to give me demands while my husband is in the middle of dying, what have I done?" In a hospital hallway, overwhelmed and in tears, she told God she had nothing left.

That moment of surrender led to a different way of living. She explains how God gently confronted her: "Either you trust me or you don’t." From there, Tara began shifting her focus from pleasing everyone to simply loving her family and loving God, letting go of the illusion of control. She talks honestly about how fear, productivity and perfectionism can quietly wreck our joy, and how healing is slow but real.

You’ll hear her contrast approval and love in a way that hits home: "Approval is the stamp that somebody gives you that says, ‘OK, you meet my expectations.’ But unconditional love says you are a hot mess, but I'm crazy about you." If you’ve ever felt unseen, exhausted, or only valued for what you do, this conversation might leave you asking: whose approval are you chasing, and what would change if you truly believed you are already seen and loved?