SHITSHOW SATURDAY #219 – Nicole F.SHITSHOW SATURDAY #219 – Nicole F.
Adult Child
Nicole F. shares how a lifetime of narcissistic, religious and generational abuse led her into ACA recovery, estrangement from her parents and new ways of relating to her husband and children. Her story centres on finding language for her pain, setting boundaries and using inner child work to begin healing.
43:23•22 Aug 2026
Nicole F. Breaks Generational Chaos and Finds Relief in Adult Child Recovery
Episode Overview
- Reading ACA materials and the Laundry List can help put words to long-standing but unnamed pain.
- Safe, regular 12-step meetings offer community where crying, honesty and vulnerability are welcomed.
- Modelling calmer responses in relationships, such as saying "I hear you" and taking breaks, can soften long-standing conflict patterns.
- Setting and maintaining boundaries, including estrangement from abusive parents, may be necessary for personal safety and healing.
- Parts work and gentle inner child care, like visualising and comforting younger selves, can support deep emotional repair.
“"It's like I've been walking in the desert and someone just handed me a glass of cold water."”
Curious about how others navigate their sobriety journey? This Shitshow Saturday brings Nicole F. into the Adult Child hot seat, sharing how a childhood of narcissistic abuse, secrecy and religious pressure kept her disconnected from her own pain for decades. Growing up near Detroit, Nicole was the "miracle child" in a family that openly favoured her over her adopted siblings, while simultaneously using her to prop up a fragile family image.
Her father’s alcoholism, sexual boundary violations and compulsive lying combined with a mother who "never had a voice" and shamed Nicole’s body and innocence. Generational trauma hangs heavy here – from a grandfather who "would sell his wife to men" to multiple relatives lost to alcoholism.
Later, reading the ACA Big Red Book and the Laundry List felt like surveillance: "someone has been following me around and taking notes on my whole life" and, in her words, finding ACA was "like I've been walking in the desert and someone just handed me a glass of cold water." You’ll hear how 12-step work and online meetings such as Recovery Beyond Survival helped her start to feel safe enough to cry, admit truth and set boundaries – including long-term estrangement from her parents and a surreal "three-for-one" ash scattering for her mother, father and brother.
Nicole talks about the moment a therapist suggested her dad might be a narcissist and pointed out that she hadn’t even reported pain on a medical intake form, showing how thoroughly she’d learned to deny her own reality. Nicole also shares practical shifts in her marriage, like choosing to stay present during her husband’s anger and calmly saying "I hear you" instead of slamming doors.
She now uses Internal Family Systems style parts work and vivid imagery to comfort her terrified five-year-old self hiding in a wardrobe, and she bravely checks in with her own children about any harm she may have caused. If you grew up thinking your job was to keep everyone else together, could hearing Nicole’s story help you start to put yourself first?
Do you want to link to this podcast?
Get the buttons here!
More From This Show
The latest episodes from the same podcast.