The Burden of Misplaced GuiltThe Burden of Misplaced Guilt
Audio/Video – The Freedom Model For Addictions
Mark Sheeran and Michelle Dunbar talk about how misplaced guilt, “shoulds,” and shame can quietly control life and substance use choices. They suggest that owning what you truly want in each moment is essential for changing habits, including drinking and drug use.
31:06•28 Jun 2026
The Burden of Misplaced Guilt: Owning Your Choices in Addiction Recovery
Episode Overview
- Misplaced guilt keeps people from being present and stops them from honestly assessing what they truly want.
- Old scripts from childhood, family, and recovery culture can create a habit of feeling guilty for anything done for oneself.
- Labels like “procrastination” and “selfishness” add shame and hide the simple fact that a person is choosing one action over another.
- Letting go of guilt and shame makes it possible to own each decision and calmly compare whether it still brings value.
- Viewing substance use as a chosen behaviour, rather than something beyond free will, is presented as key to changing it.
“"This whole idea that you are doing something you don't want to do is keeping you stuck."”
What are the common struggles and victories in addiction recovery? This conversation between co‑founders of The Freedom Model, Mark Sheeran and Michelle Dunbar, digs into one of the sneakiest obstacles to change: misplaced guilt. Instead of focusing on alcohol or drugs first, they talk about the way guilt and endless “shoulds” quietly run the show.
Michelle shares how she spent years feeling wrong whatever she did – sleeping in, working hard, relaxing with TV, spending time with family – because there was always a sense she “should be doing something else.” Mark links this to his idea of “ghosts”: old scripts from childhood, families, and especially recovery culture that keep people stuck in shame.
You’ll hear them break down why guilt is so heavy: if your mind is busy with “I’m bad” and “I should know better,” there’s no room left to look honestly at what you’re choosing and whether it still works for you.
As Mark puts it, "Once you get past all that, you're able to own your choices, each choice on its own merits." That includes everyday stuff like doing the dishes, as well as big choices around drinking or using drugs. They question labels like “procrastination,” calling it just another guilt-soaked way of describing picking one action over another. Strip away the labels and you’re left with clear decisions you can finally review without beating yourself up.
They also talk frankly about how 12‑step culture and the demand to be a “spiritual pillar” ramped up Michelle’s guilt and pulled Mark back into feeling broken after he’d already started to move on. By the end, substance use is framed as a series of wanted choices, not a disease or a force that takes over. Letting go of shame and owning “this is what I want right now” is presented as the first step toward real change.
If guilt has been running your life, this chat might get you asking a very different question: what do you actually want?
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