The Cure for Resentment and Grudges
The Cure for Resentment and Grudges

Alive and Free

Bob Gardner reflects on resentment, forgiveness and grudges through Christian teachings and personal stories, linking them directly to addiction and inner suffering. He shares practical spiritual tools, including apology and contemplation of Jesus’ sufferings, as possible ways to loosen anger and move toward genuine freedom.

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20:29•4 Apr 2026

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Letting Go of Grudges: Bob Gardner on Resentment, Truth and Real Forgiveness

Episode Overview

Resentment, described as “remembrance of wrongs”, is portrayed as a key source of anger and ongoing inner suffering.
Forgiveness is framed as an experience that arises when you see the truth more clearly, rather than a forced action.
St John Climacus’ advice includes apologising to the person you feel wronged by, to expose your own blind spots and soften the grudge.
A suggested measure of released resentment is feeling genuine sorrow when someone who hurt you suffers, as if it had happened to you.
Modern ideas of self-love and self-care are questioned as potentially harmful to long-term spiritual health and relationships.

“Forgiveness is not something you do. Forgiveness is something that happens.”

How do people find strength in their journey to sobriety? This episode of *Alive and Free* turns the spotlight on one sneaky obstacle that keeps people stuck: resentment. Bob Gardner looks at what he calls “remembrance of wrongs” – the habit of replaying hurts, grudges and petty annoyances – and how it quietly fuels anger, addiction and inner turmoil.

Drawing on step 9 of *The Ladder of Divine Ascent* by St John Climacus, he reads out a striking description of resentment as “the poison of soul, worm of the mind… a nail stuck in the soul” and asks what that really looks like in everyday life. You’ll hear Bob’s own uncomfortable example of getting offended when someone disagreed with him, then having to apologise to a teenager he’d “helped” without being asked.

He walks through how owning his part in the situation – even when he felt he’d done nothing wrong – exposed his blind spots and loosened the grudge. A big theme here is that forgiveness isn’t a heroic act you force yourself to perform. As Bob puts it, “forgiveness is not something you do. Forgiveness is something that happens” when you see the truth more clearly and your story about what happened changes.

The episode also questions popular ideas around “self-love” and “self-care”, suggesting they can feel good in the short term but may weaken relationships and long-term resilience. Instead, Bob points to a more radical standard: loving others “as yourself”, to the point that you hurt for someone who’s harmed you when they suffer.

Grounded in a Christian lens, with references to Jesus’ sufferings and the example of forgiving those who caused them, this short talk is aimed at anyone wrestling with anger, grudges or addictive patterns and wanting something more honest than quick-fix positivity. If you’re tired of carrying old hurts around, could this be the nudge to put one of them down?

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