Where Anger Comes From

Where Anger Comes From

What insights can experts and survivors share about addiction and raw human emotion? Here, Bob Gardner shifts the focus from substances to something far sneakier: anger that hides in plain sight. Instead of shouting matches and slammed doors, Bob talks about the quiet kind of anger that fuels addiction, anxiety and general misery.

Drawing on years of working with people in recovery and his own marriage and parenting, he breaks down how anger shows up physically – tense shoulders, clenched jaw, racing thoughts – and then asks a tougher question: where does it actually come from? The turning point comes from an unexpected source: an old spiritual classic, *The Ladder of Divine Ascent* by St John Climacus.

Meekness, as he shares from the book, is “an imperturbable calm under the breath of unclean winds.” Then he hits the line that stops him in his tracks: “Wrath is a reminder of hidden hatred, that is to say, remembrance of wrongs.” From there, he gets brutally honest about spotting this in himself – the subtle tightening when a church colleague who once disagreed with him walks in, or the inner arguments he keeps replaying with family, clients and strangers in traffic.

Bob walks through the idea that real freedom from anger looks like being steady whether people praise you or criticise you. Rather than preaching, Bob treats it like an experiment: if anger is tied to remembering wrongs, what happens when you start noticing every little grudge, irritation or mental complaint? For anyone dealing with addiction, resentment, or constant frustration, this gives a fresh way to look at why emotions flare and how much suffering comes from clinging to old judgments.

If you’ve ever thought, “I’m not an angry person,” this might make you look again – gently, honestly, and with a chance to let some of that weight go.