The Dark Thought Every Exhausted Mother HidesThe Dark Thought Every Exhausted Mother Hides
The Call with Nancy Sabato
Nancy Sabato talks with author Allison Byxbe about the hidden weight of motherhood after her son's rare genetic diagnosis, and how journaling and biblical metaphors helped her wrestle with God. Their conversation touches on choosing life, confronting dark thoughts, and trusting that Jesus is present in grief as well as joy.
11:37•10 Sept 2026
The Dark Thought Exhausted Mothers Don’t Say Out Loud
Episode Overview
- Journaling can be a slow but meaningful way to process grief, doubt, and questions before God.
- Being brutally honest with God about sorrow, anger and confusion is encouraged and reflected in the psalms.
- Recognising that suicidal or self-erasing thoughts are not from God can be a crucial turning point toward life.
- Praying, "God, where are you in this?" can help you start noticing His presence in painful circumstances.
- Reflecting on scriptural metaphors for God, such as good shepherd or living water, can deepen awareness of how He shows up in daily life.
“"As soon as that thought entered my mind, I felt the Holy Spirit say to me, that is not a thought from God."”
What emotional and inspiring tales of recovery are out there? This conversation on The Call with Nancy Sabato sits with the quiet desperation many exhausted mothers carry, especially those raising children with complex needs and feeling cut off from God. Nancy chats with author Allison Byxbe about the shock of her one-year-old son's rare genetic diagnosis and the way it "just blindsided" their young family.
Allison describes grief like being trapped under a weighted blanket, stuck and unable to move her spirit, while watching other parents enjoy seemingly easier seasons. She admits questioning God's goodness and whether she even knew Him anymore. You'll hear how Allison turned to journaling as a way to ask brutal questions and pour out her heartbreak, long before anything felt better.
She explains that journaling became a slow, steady lifeline rather than a quick fix, and that God "met me and started speaking some things to me" through the pages.
The heart of the episode centres on the dark thought every worn-out mum hides: "Maybe they'd be better off without me." Allison shares the moment the Holy Spirit cut through that despair, reminding her, "That is not a thought from God," and bringing to mind the verse in Deuteronomy about choosing life or death. From there, she describes learning to choose a path of life, even when her plans were shattered.
Allison also talks about her book on journaling as a spiritual practice, showing how biblical metaphors like Jesus as living water or God as a gentle whisper helped her recognise God's presence in the middle of disability, sleepless nights and long-term uncertainty. For anyone weighed down by sorrow, unanswered prayers, or mum guilt, this gentle, faith-filled chat offers honesty, companionship and a reminder that "Jesus is with us" in both the tears and the small joys.
Could this honest faith story be the encouragement your tired heart needs today?
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