The Difference Between Feeling Lonely and Being Alone

The Difference Between Feeling Lonely and Being Alone

How do people cope with the challenges of staying sober and healing from a chaotic childhood? This conversation between sisters Ronni and Jennie zooms in on one surprisingly tricky piece of that puzzle: the difference between feeling lonely and being alone. Growing up in a home shaped by addiction, abuse, and untreated mental illness, both sisters learned early that being alone could either feel like torture or like safety.

Jennie shares how, as a child, isolation felt like punishment and rejection: she was often scapegoated and left to do chores alone, which she describes as “incredibly isolating and very painful.” Ronni, on the other hand, remembers retreating to her room as a refuge, where she could read and stay out of harm’s way. As adults, their relationship with solitude has transformed.

Jennie now loves her quiet mornings, long walks with her husband and dogs, sound healing practice, naps, and reading, saying she’s “really enjoying just having, you know, me time” – and working on letting go of the guilt that she’s not constantly “accomplishing” something for others. A key thread through the episode is connection.

Ronni points out that “you can be lonely in a crowd” if you don’t feel seen or valued, and the sisters link this to trauma responses like being guarded in new environments.

They talk about how inner work – self-acceptance, self-compassion, and recognising one’s own worth – shifts everything, including the ability to walk away from spaces where you feel unseen: “I would rather be alone than be lonely with you.” This episode speaks directly to anyone from a background of addiction, violence, or neglect who’s wrestling with guilt over needing space, confusion about why crowds still feel lonely, or the deep wish to feel both safe and connected.

It might just get you asking: do you feel abandoned when you’re alone, or are you finally keeping yourself company?