Shitshow Saturday #203 - Why Can't I Just Let Myself Feel Good?Shitshow Saturday #203 - Why Can't I Just Let Myself Feel Good?
Adult Child
Members of the Adult Child community share how chaotic, alcoholic homes taught them that joy isn’t safe and how this still shapes their relationships with happiness today. Through stories of abandonment, generational trauma and spiritual grounding, they reflect on what it might take to finally let themselves feel good.
33:44•2 May 2026
Why Feeling Good Feels So Scary for Adult Children of Dysfunction
Episode Overview
- Childhoods marked by alcoholism, chaos and broken promises can train the brain to see joy as a warning sign rather than safety.
- Many adult children learn that good feelings lead to punishment, ridicule or sudden withdrawal, so they dim themselves to match others’ pain.
- Living in constant survival mode leaves little capacity for peace or happiness, making relaxed states feel foreign or even frightening.
- Grieving what was missed in childhood and releasing shame can be a step towards eventually feeling real joy and connection.
- Community, spiritual perspective and clear boundaries with parents and partners help some members stop sabotaging good things in their lives.
“If I knew how to feel joy, I would feel it right now because this fucking group is amazing. I actually might be feeling a little bit of it.”
What are the common struggles and victories in addiction recovery? This Shitshow Saturday conversation on Adult Child zooms in on one of the sneakiest ones: why feeling good can be so bloody uncomfortable when you grew up in chaos. Andrea lays out three core reasons many adult children of dysfunctional families tense up when life is actually going well.
Andrea recalls her mum showing up drunk to take her to Disney and the first time she ever said out loud, “my mom’s an alcoholic.” Another member talks about a mother who would attempt suicide right as her children hit big milestones, asking, “what right do you have to be happy when someone else is miserable?” Others describe being punished for having friends, staying in abusive relationships because they’d never learned boundaries, and then almost sabotaging healthy love because it felt undeserved.
First, “good things didn’t last” – holidays ruined, trips blown up, parents drunk or fighting again – so joy became a warning sign rather than a safe place. She links this to what Brené Brown calls foreboding joy, that instinctive bracing for impact when something finally feels okay. From there, the group shares get honest and very raw.
One person admits, “If I knew how to feel joy, I would feel it right now because this fucking group is amazing… I actually might be feeling a little bit of it.” Throughout, you’ll hear themes of generational trauma, parentification, abandonment wounds and the strange discomfort of peace when your nervous system is stuck in survival mode.
There’s also a thread of spiritual grounding and “radical acceptance” as one member reframes their daughter’s no contact as a painful but necessary push to finally focus on themselves. If you’ve ever felt like you’re just waiting for the other shoe to drop every time life gets good, this conversation might help you feel a bit less alone – and maybe ask yourself what it would be like to let a little more joy stay.
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