The Gift Of Presence (Archive - Episode 1)

The Gift Of Presence (Archive - Episode 1)

How do people cope with the challenges of staying sober? This conversation from Relational Recovery leans into one surprising answer: presence. Host Wes Thompson, joined by co‑host Austin Hill, talks about presence as a core cultural value at The Refuge, a ministry blending Christian spirituality and psychology to support people with unwanted behaviours and addictions.

Drawing on teaching from mentors Rich Plass and Jim Cofield, they keep circling back to a simple but stretching idea: “the best gift that we can give others is our transformed and transforming presence.” Rather than getting lost in theory, they ground presence in everyday experience.

Wes points out how easy it is to live in a dream version of life instead of the one right in front of you, and how chronic discontent can pull people away from their recovery and relationships. He admits that if he isn’t comfortable with himself, he’s unlikely to be truly present with anyone else. Austin picks up that thread with the language of masks.

He asks if you’re “the same person around everybody,” or constantly morphing to fit in, stay safe, or get what you want. For him, lack of presence shows up as shallow relationships, constant noise, and never being okay in the quiet. Being fully present, he says, is vulnerable work: owning tiredness, naming reluctance, and still choosing to show up.

They also speak directly to men, noting how many friendships are built “shoulder to shoulder” while working together, and how easy it is to spot someone who’s checked out—distracted, avoiding eye contact, clearly somewhere else in their head. Curiosity becomes a practical tool: if you don’t want to be with a particular person, why is that?

Anyone wrestling with addiction, recovery or simply restless dissatisfaction may find this focus on presence a gentle nudge to slow down, look inward, and ask: am I actually here, with myself and with others?