The Most Common Mistakes People Make in Inner Child Work
The Most Common Mistakes People Make in Inner Child Work

Inner Bonding

Dr Margaret Paul explains why inner child work often fails to bring relief and clarifies the difference between the inner child and the wounded self. She shares common mistakes and highlights the importance of developing a loving adult and spiritual connection for genuine healing.

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15:12•25 May 2026

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Common Inner Child Work Mistakes That Keep You Stuck

Episode Overview

Confusing the soulful inner child with the wounded self can keep people trapped in anxiety, shame, addiction, and relationship problems.
Letting the wounded child lead – rather than a loving adult – reinforces control, fear, and avoidance instead of safety and healing.
True love for the inner child includes limits and responsibility; indulgence with food, spending, or avoidance raises anxiety rather than easing it.
The inner child does not need to be fixed, but needs a present, caring inner parent who learns from feelings instead of trying to suppress or repair them.
Inner child work is most effective when guided by a strong loving adult connected with spiritual guidance, bringing love, truth, and compassion to the wounded self.

“"Your inner child does not need fixing. He or she needs loving mothering and fathering and limits placed on allowing the wounded self to take over."”

How do people find strength in their journey to sobriety? This episode of Inner Bonding leans into a different angle on healing by asking whether your inner child work is actually helping, or quietly keeping you stuck. Dr Margaret Paul chats about how popular inner child work has become, and why so many people still feel anxious, depressed, ashamed, or stuck in addiction and relationship problems despite all the journalling, workshops, and visualisations.

She draws a vital line between two inner parts: the "wonder child" – the true soul self – and the "wounded self" that formed around fear and false beliefs. As she puts it, "It's our wounded self that needs healing.

Our inner child needs us to learn to be the loving mum and dad with our feelings." You’ll hear common missteps that can quietly sabotage healing, such as giving the wounded child too much power, confusing love with indulgence, and using inner child language to dodge adult responsibility.

She explains how rewarding yourself with junk food or impulse shopping is less about love and more about a wounded self trying to soothe anxiety: comforting in the moment, but deeply unsettling for the inner child long-term. Dr Paul also stresses that inner child work isn’t about endlessly sitting in pain or trying to "fix" yourself. Instead, it’s about building a strong, loving adult who can set limits, stay present, and connect with a spiritual source of love and guidance.

Without that connection, she warns, the wounded self can easily pretend to be the adult in charge. Anyone working on sobriety, healing past trauma, or breaking old patterns may find themselves asking: is my inner child work truly loving, or just another clever way my wounded self stays in control?

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