The Stoic Secret to Being Untouchable: How to Stay Unbothered When People Are CruelThe Stoic Secret to Being Untouchable: How to Stay Unbothered When People Are Cruel
Path to Peace with Todd Perelmuter
Todd Perelmuter talks about staying calm and "untouchable" when others are cruel, stressing acceptance, ego awareness and firm but peaceful boundaries. He shares personal stories and reflections on grief, anger and meaning to show how inner peace can outlast criticism and conflict.
16:19•3 May 2026
The Stoic Trick to Staying Calm When People Are Cruel
Episode Overview
- Peace comes from accepting that not everyone will like you or speak kindly about you.
- Yelling, revenge and trying to ruin someone else’s day never bring real satisfaction and only worsen conflict.
- Staying calm doesn’t mean being a doormat; you can firmly and clearly state what you won’t tolerate without losing your temper.
- Emotional hurt and anger live within us, and recognising this allows you to stop blaming others and reclaim your power.
- Patterns of yelling can be learned in childhood and later unlearned through awareness, patience and a commitment to calm responses.
“"You've got to get comfortable with people not liking you. You've got to be comfortable with people saying terrible things about you."”
What secrets to maintaining sobriety can be uncovered from learning how to stay calm when someone is tearing into you? Todd Perelmuter uses a blend of humour, stoic philosophy and personal stories to show how staying unbothered by cruelty can become a real-life superpower. Speaking directly to anyone who feels triggered, reactive or easily offended, he argues that peace comes from getting comfortable with being disliked. As he puts it, "You've got to get comfortable with people not liking you.
You've got to be comfortable with people saying terrible things about you." Instead of seeing cruel words as wounds, Todd explains they're really "just the ego screaming in pain and hurt" – and that ego can be cared for without blowing up "like a baby".
You'll hear him compare human drama to "monkeys beating our chests" and "ants" locked in constant inner conflict, stressing that yelling never actually feels good and "only diminishes your standing." He makes a clear distinction between being calm and being a doormat: you can firmly say, "Look, you can't do that. Cross the line. I won't accept that," without raising your voice or losing your composure. There’s a strong focus on self-responsibility too.
Todd points out that emotional pain works like stubbing your toe on a coffee table – the anger lives inside you, even if someone else’s behaviour triggered it. The moment you stop blaming them, you "take back your power". He also shares a brief childhood story about growing up around yelling, learning that language, and then having to unlearn it as an adult through his spiritual practice.
The episode closes with a short reading from his book on grief and spiritual healing, tying together themes of suffering, meaning and learning to "love our suffering" so it loosens its grip. If you’re tired of letting other people’s words ruin your day, could this be the mindset shift you’ve been waiting for?
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