Understanding the Patterns That Shape Your LifeUnderstanding the Patterns That Shape Your Life
A Quest for Well-Being
Clinical psychologist Dr. Leslie Mutzelfelt talks with Valeria Teles about schema therapy, childhood emotional needs, and how early patterns shape adult life. The conversation outlines practical ways to strengthen a healthy adult self, relate more kindly to inner child parts, and reduce shame around seeking help.
43:57•11 Aug 2026
Understanding Schema Patterns and Building Your Healthy Adult
Episode Overview
- Early attachment experiences and unmet core needs can create enduring emotional patterns that shape adult relationships, anxiety, and self-worth.
- Schema therapy teaches people to spot different inner "modes" and understand that many adult reactions come from a child part trying to stay safe.
- Strengthening the healthy adult involves developing self-compassion, setting boundaries, and making choices that consider long-term wellbeing.
- Simple practices like slowing down, mindful walks, and time in nature help people notice repeating patterns instead of living on autopilot.
- Letting go of shame and stigma around therapy, and approaching personal struggles with curiosity rather than self-criticism, opens the door to real change.
“"We have to learn that it’s safe to be safe."”
Gain insights from experts and survivors on how emotional patterns shape a lifetime of wellbeing. This conversation centres on schema therapy, childhood needs, and what it really means to grow a "healthy adult" inside yourself. Chartered clinical psychologist Dr. Leslie Mutzelfelt joins host Valeria Teles to unpack how early attachment and unmet emotional needs can quietly script adult struggles with anxiety, self-doubt, relationships, and coping.
Rather than blaming parents, she uses a playful Lego-and-Duplo analogy to show how even loving families can miss what a child uniquely needs, leaving them to form beliefs and behaviours that once kept them safe but now hold them back. Dr. Mutzelfelt explains schema therapy in plain language, talking about "modes" such as the perfectionist, people-pleaser, or enraged child, and how these parts step in to protect us.
The turning point, she says, is realising that adult problems are often being handled "from a child's perspective". Once you can notice which part is running the show, you can build compassion for the child who had to cope that way and strengthen the wiser, calmer healthy adult.
You’ll hear practical ideas for slowing down from autopilot – like mindful walks, simple everyday mindfulness, and spending time in nature – so you can actually notice repeating patterns in relationships instead of reliving them. Dr. Mutzelfelt also addresses fear of feelings, especially anger, and links it back to childhood experiences of others’ rage: whose anger are you really afraid of?
Throughout, she gently challenges the stigma around therapy and emotional struggle: rather than asking "what’s wrong with me?", she suggests asking with curiosity, "where did this come from and whose message is this?" Her line "it’s safe to be safe" sums up the heart of the conversation. If you’ve ever wondered why you keep repeating the same patterns – in love, friendships, or self-sabotage – this episode might help you see those habits with far more kindness and clarity.
What might change for you if you treated your inner child with the care you wish you’d had?
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