What Are Boundaries and Why Parents Need Them, with Cathy CiothWhat Are Boundaries and Why Parents Need Them, with Cathy Cioth
Hopestream for parenting kids through drug use and addiction
Brenda Zane and Cathy Cioth talk candidly about what boundaries are, why parents of kids using substances struggle with them, and how clear limits can reduce resentment and chaos at home. Their stories highlight both the emotional and practical sides of protecting your own wellbeing while loving a child in active addiction.
48:09•27 Aug 2026
Why Boundaries Matter for Parents of Kids Using Substances
Episode Overview
- Boundaries are for the parent’s safety and wellbeing, not to control a child’s behaviour.
- Fear of outbursts or losing contact with a child is a major reason parents struggle to hold boundaries.
- Calm, planned conversations work better than emotional confrontations, especially late at night or when a child is intoxicated.
- Emotional boundaries and self-care (exercise, food, social media limits) help prevent explosive reactions and resentment.
- Boundaries can be adjusted over time and should reflect each family’s values and current reality.
“Your boundaries are for you and what you need to be safe and healthy.”
Curious about how others navigate their sobriety journey, especially as parents? This episode focuses on something every parent of a struggling teen has wrestled with: boundaries, why they matter, and why they’re so hard to hold. Host Brenda Zane chats with her co-founder and regular co-host Cathy Cioth, both mums who’ve lived through the chaos of kids using substances.
They talk honestly about feeling like “a doormat”, being “short with everybody”, and those volcanic moments where electronics get thrown across the room. As Brenda puts it, “What is mean is yelling at your kids and throwing their Xbox across the room—that is not healthy behaviour.” You’ll hear Cathy’s story of calling herself “the marshmallow”, terrified that firm boundaries would make her kids leave home altogether.
She shares a concrete house rule around drugs and how she and her husband agreed on consequences, including nights when their son couldn’t stay at home. Brenda offers her own boundary examples, from refusing to wake her teen for school to making the agonising decision that her son couldn’t move with the family unless safety conditions were met.
They break down what boundaries actually are—“Your boundaries are for you and what you need to be safe and healthy”—and contrast them with ultimatums aimed at controlling someone else’s behaviour. Emotional and practical boundaries get equal airtime: limiting social media around prom and graduation, carving out time for exercise or meal support, and setting firm limits with extended family who offer constant advice. The tone stays warm, candid and occasionally funny, even as they describe some very painful moments.
Parents who feel exhausted, resentful, or scared of their child’s reactions may find relief in hearing two experienced mums admit their mistakes and share what started to work. If you’ve ever felt like you’re being bulldozed in your own home, could clearer boundaries be the first step back to feeling steady again?
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