Why We Choose the Partners We Do

Why We Choose the Partners We Do

What makes a recovery story truly inspiring? For many people in alcohol or addiction recovery, it’s the moment they realise their relationships are reflecting back old wounds they’re finally ready to heal. This conversation on *A Quest for Well-Being* speaks straight to that moment. Host Valeria Teles chats with integrative counsellor, psychotherapist, relationship therapist and life coach Christina Ajagbi about why people keep choosing the same kinds of partners, even when they promise themselves things will be different.

Christina explains how early experiences with caregivers shape attachment styles, and how these patterns can silently steer adult relationships toward anxiety, avoidance, or security. She clearly breaks down the difference between therapy and coaching: therapy looks back to the past to understand patterns and regulate emotions, while coaching looks forward from where you are now to where you’d like to be.

For anyone rebuilding life after addiction or trauma, this mix of past healing and future-focused support can make a lot of sense. A key theme is responsibility without self-blame. Relationships, Christina says, often "act like a mirror" showing parts of yourself that are ready for growth. At the same time, she draws a clear line where personal growth work must stop and safety must come first in abusive or coercive situations.

You’ll hear about maintaining growth so you don’t slide back into old dynamics, why boundaries and self-care are non-negotiable, and how support networks can either steady your recovery or drain it. Christina also touches on parenting, the possibility of breaking generational patterns, and moving from mere survival toward a life that feels purposeful and authentic.

If you’ve ever wondered why the same relationship drama keeps showing up on your sober journey, this conversation might help you ask a new question: what is this pattern trying to show you about yourself, and are you ready to change it?