Working with our ThoughtsWorking with our Thoughts
ACA Tuesday Zoombox
John W shares how growing up in a multi-generational alcoholic family shaped his harsh inner critic and low confidence, and how ACA helped him learn to be his own loving parent. His story shows that relief, self-acceptance and happiness can grow even later in life through sustained recovery work.
6:39•27 Aug 2026
Working With Our Thoughts: John W on Silencing the Critical Inner Parent
Episode Overview
- Growing up in a family with multiple generations of alcoholism left John with deep-seated fear, self-criticism and low confidence.
- Despite high academic achievement, he constantly expected failure and punishment due to internalised parental criticism.
- ACA meetings and the Laundry List helped him recognise shared traits with others and feel less alone in his struggles.
- Through ACA, John has learned to become his own loving parent, reducing self-attack and accepting his humanity and mistakes.
- He reports that the 15 years in ACA, beginning at age 65, have been among the happiest of his life, with less pressure and more self-acceptance.
“"Everything I do is not a mistake. I'm not a mistake. And I'm glad about that."”
What can we learn from those who have battled addiction? This ACA Tuesday Zoombox episode centres on John W, who shares decades of experience growing up in a family marked by "multiple generations of alcoholism" and the long shadow it cast on his confidence.
You’ll hear how John, despite graduating second in his high school class and first at university, carried a constant fear of failure: "I would go into a test and I would be worried that I was going to fail, but I would end up having the highest score." His story shows how perfectionism, harsh criticism and a "critical inner parent" can leave someone feeling "not being good enough" even when the outside world sees success.
The heart of the episode is his relationship with the Adult Children of Alcoholics & Dysfunctional Families (ACA) programme. John recalls attending his first ACA meeting in 2011 and hearing the Laundry List: "I thought, oh my God, that's me." Finding others who were afraid of authority figures, loaded with self-doubt and low self-esteem gave him comfort and a sense of belonging.
John talks about learning to become his "own loving parent" and how, after about 15 years in ACA, he’s "less hard" on himself.
He stresses that he’s "not a mistake" and that he can now accept being human, making errors without days of self-punishment: "If I make a mistake, I don't have to drag it out and beat myself up all day." Entering ACA at 65, and now at 80, he says these have been some of the best and happiest years of his life.
If you’ve ever felt like you’re never enough, or you’re tired of the voice in your head tearing you down, this episode could be the gentle reminder that change is possible at any age—could John’s experience be the nudge you need to treat yourself more kindly?
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