108: The Umbrella Hour with Dr. An Goldbauer & Zander Keig LCSW - Episode 108108: The Umbrella Hour with Dr. An Goldbauer & Zander Keig LCSW - Episode 108
UK Health Radio Podcast
Dr. Karen Whitmire talks with hosts Dr. An Goldbauer and Zander Keig about New Relationship Energy in non‑monogamous relationships, comparing its emotional high to addiction and examining its impact on attachment, identity and long‑term partners. The conversation looks at how slowing down and acting with intention can protect both individuals and relationships from the fallout of intense early attraction.
44:13•11 May 2026
New Relationship Energy, Non‑Monogamy and the High That Feels Like Addiction
Episode Overview
- New Relationship Energy can create a powerful biochemical high that changes behaviour, trust and judgement, especially in non‑monogamous settings.
- That high can strain or destabilise established relationships, and in some cases lead people to leave long‑term partners during the NRE phase.
- Patterns of repeatedly chasing NRE resemble addiction, particularly for people already prone to addictive behaviours or love addiction cycles.
- Attachment styles influence how NRE feels and plays out, with avoidant and preoccupied individuals reacting very differently to the same emotional rush.
- Slowing down, acting with intention and reflecting on consequences can reduce harm for both individuals and their partners during intense new connections.
“"Just slow down and think about what you're doing and the consequences of it."”
What drives someone to seek a life without emotional chaos, especially when love itself can feel "intoxicating"? This Umbrella Hour episode on UK Health Radio takes a sharp look at New Relationship Energy (NRE) in non‑monogamous relationships, and it has plenty to say to anyone curious about compulsive patterns, attachment, and addiction‑like highs. Hosts Dr. An Goldbauer and Xander Keig LCSW chat with returning guest Dr.
Karen Whitmire, a mental health and sex therapist whose dissertation focused on NRE in non‑monogamous relationships. She explains how NRE – often known as limerence or the "falling in love" rush – floods people with oxytocin and dopamine, changing behaviour, judgement and even trust levels. As she puts it, people can forget that "it's just a biochemical reaction" and start assuming a new partner is a soulmate, sometimes abandoning long‑term relationships in the process. Dr.
Whitmire highlights how NRE can look a lot like addiction. She talks about "love addiction" and the cycle of chasing the high, burning out, then jumping straight into the next intense connection. That pattern can be especially tough for those already prone to addictive behaviours, and very painful for established partners caught in the fallout. The conversation ranges across attachment styles (avoidant vs.
preoccupied), LGBTQIA and transgender community experiences of NRE, and how identity labels around gender, sexuality and relationship style can either help or confuse people. There’s an honest acknowledgement that many therapists still misunderstand NRE, sometimes mistaking its mood swings for conditions like bipolar disorder. Throughout, the tone stays practical and gently humorous, with a core message that applies far beyond non‑monogamy. Dr.
Whitmire’s closing advice sums it up: "Just slow down and think about what you're doing and the consequences of it." If you’ve ever chased a high – emotional or chemical – this conversation might get you asking: am I choosing with intention, or just riding the rush?
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