11: Brave Together Podcast - Jessica Patay, Susanna Peace Lovell and Dr. Zoe Shaw - Episode 1111: Brave Together Podcast - Jessica Patay, Susanna Peace Lovell and Dr. Zoe Shaw - Episode 11
UK Health Radio Podcast
Hosts Susanna Peace Lovell and Jessica Patay talk with parenting educator Kirk Martin about calm leadership, parental anxiety and raising strong‑willed, neurodivergent kids. The conversation shares real‑life stories and practical tools aimed at helping caregiving parents feel less alone and more equipped.
45:46•1 Apr 2026
Calm Parenting for Strong‑Willed Kids: Anxiety, Control and the Power of "Of Course"
Episode Overview
- Shift the focus from controlling a child’s behaviour to controlling your own responses as a calm, authoritative leader.
- Recognise that parental anxiety often drives lectures, pressure and control, and usually produces the opposite outcome to what you want.
- Normalise anxiety and big feelings with matter‑of‑fact validation (for example, starting with "of course"), so children feel understood rather than managed.
- Use practical strategies such as sitting instead of standing over a child, giving them concrete roles, and introducing them to new environments ahead of time.
- Dads can play a crucial role by breaking old patterns, staying steady under pressure and building connection that shapes a child’s sense of worth.
“"Your success as a parent is not dependent on how your child behaves, but how you behave."”
Curious about how others manage their parenting journey when their kids are intense, neurodivergent, or simply refuse to fit the "easy" mould? This Brave Together Podcast conversation brings together hosts Susanna Peace Lovell and Jessica Patay with parenting educator Kirk Martin for a frank, funny, and very real chat about raising strong‑willed children.
Aimed at caregiving parents of children with disabilities, neurodivergence, and complex needs, the episode leans into the messy truth of family life rather than pretending it’s all calm crafts and gold stars.
Kirk shares how his own my‑way‑or‑the‑highway approach failed with his strong‑willed son, and how a huge shift came when he realised, as he puts it, that "the only person I can truly control is myself." You’ll hear how parental anxiety fuels controlling behaviour, why "our anxiety creates the exact opposite result than we want," and how kids are often rejecting your anxiety, not your authority.
The conversation moves through practical tools: sitting instead of standing over a child, using an even, matter‑of‑fact tone, validating big emotions with "of course" statements, and giving anxious kids something concrete and familiar before new situations. There’s a powerful section for dads too. Kirk speaks directly to fathers about breaking harsh generational patterns, using their calm presence as leadership, and remembering that their children won’t care about their job title as much as whether they felt believed in and connected.
The tone stays warm, straight‑talking, and often very funny, even while touching on shame, public meltdowns, and the pressure to have a "perfect" child. Parents who feel like they’re constantly on edge will likely feel seen, reassured, and given some realistic next steps. If you’ve ever thought, "Why is this so hard, and is it just me?" this conversation might be exactly what you need today.
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