250 - What a Real Amends From a Parent Requires: Naming the Impact & What Happens If You Never Get It w/ Dr. Ken Adams & Leilani Sinclair250 - What a Real Amends From a Parent Requires: Naming the Impact & What Happens If You Never Get It w/ Dr. Ken Adams & Leilani Sinclair
Adult Child
Dr. Ken Adams and Leilani Sinclair explain what meaningful parental amends require and how their structured process can help unburden adult children of sex addicts. Andrea presses on what this means for those who never get such amends, while also sharing how somatic work has supported her own healing.
1:15:41•30 Sept 2026
What Real Amends from a Parent Look Like – and Why Your Healing Doesn’t Depend on Them
Episode Overview
- A real amends from a parent requires clearly naming what they did, how it affected their child, and removing the burden of blame from the child.
- The DIAP (Disclosure, Impact, Amends Protocol) process is designed for parents, adult children and therapists to address specific harms, especially around sex addiction.
- Impact statements help adult children understand and articulate how they were affected, even if their parents never participate in the process.
- Both the addict parent and the "other parent" hold responsibility, including ways they may have used children as emotional caretakers or allies.
- Somatic and nervous system practices can increase self-trust and help adult children respond to stress from a more grounded, self-supportive place.
“An apology is the parent telling you they feel bad. An amends is the parent telling you exactly what they did and what it cost you.”
What can we learn from those who have battled addiction? This conversation brings together Dr. Ken Adams and therapist Leilani Sinclair to talk about what a *real* amends from a parent looks like – and what it means if you never get one. Aimed at adult children from dysfunctional, addicted or sexually chaotic homes, the episode digs into the nitty‑gritty difference between a simple apology and true accountability.
As Andrea sums up early on, “An apology is the parent telling you they feel bad. An amends is the parent telling you exactly what they did and what it cost you.” Ken and Leilani share their new workbook, *Unburdening Adult Children of Sex Addicts*, which is written for parents, adult children and therapists to use together.
You’ll hear how their DIAP (Disclosure, Impact, Amends Protocol) process guides parents to name their behaviour, acknowledge the fallout on their kids and offer amends that are about the child’s healing, not the parent’s relief. They’re very clear: this isn’t about making Christmas dinner less awkward, it’s about taking the weight of secrecy, shame and emotional caretaking off the adult child’s shoulders.
Andrea repeatedly brings the focus back to those whose parents will never do this work, asking how impact letters and structured reflection can still help someone “draw a line in the sand” and build their own life. There’s also a strong thread on somatic and nervous system work, as she shares how daily body‑based practices helped her move from panic to self‑support during a travel crisis.
If you grew up parenting your parents, keeping their secrets, or feeling responsible for their moods, this episode offers language, structure and validation for what you went through – and some ideas on how you might stop carrying what was never yours. What would it be like to finally say, “This ain’t mine to carry” and believe it?
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