359: Adult Children of Alcoholics359: Adult Children of Alcoholics
Soberful
Veronica Valli and Chip Somers talk about Adult Children of Alcoholics, sharing common traits, family stories and how these childhood experiences affect adult relationships. They discuss the value of group support and greater emotional awareness in breaking generational cycles of pain.
48:04•22 Jul 2026
Adult Children of Alcoholics: How Childhood Chaos Shapes Grown-Up Lives
Episode Overview
- Growing up with an alcoholic parent can lead to specific adult traits such as difficulty with intimacy, over-responsibility and constant approval-seeking.
- Many Adult Children of Alcoholics either avoid alcohol completely or develop their own addictions, including to other substances or behaviours.
- Common relationship patterns include rescuing partners, choosing people who resemble a dysfunctional parent and intense fear of being abandoned.
- Group support for Adult Children of Alcoholics can ease isolation, challenge self-blame and help people recognise and change long‑standing patterns.
- Breaking generational cycles starts with adults becoming aware of their own wounds and choosing to parent and relate differently from how they were raised.
“We’re just walking around with our childhood wounds, and our parents, God bless them, were using alcohol or drugs to deal with their childhood wounds.”
What drives someone to seek a life without alcohol when they grew up with it in the house every day? This Soberful conversation with recovery specialists Veronica Valli and Chip Somers looks at what it means to be an Adult Child of an Alcoholic (ACOA) and how those early experiences can colour adult life.
Speaking from decades of clinical work and personal family stories, they outline classic ACOA traits: struggling with intimacy, people-pleasing, chronic over-responsibility, and a constant sense of being different.
As Veronica puts it, ACOA is “a way of seeing and experiencing the world as an adult because you grew up with an alcoholic parent.” You’ll hear powerful real-life examples: children creeping through the night in their pyjamas to get help for a passed‑out parent, holidays that never happened, and adults who can’t relax until the plane is actually off the runway because they were let down so many times.
Chip shares honestly about his own daughter’s journey and how ACOA support groups helped her move from blame and chaos to taking responsibility for her own choices.
The episode also digs into how these childhood wounds show up in love lives: rescuing partners, picking people who feel eerily like mum or dad, intense fear of abandonment and a near-total inability to say “I need help.” Group support comes up again and again as a lifeline, breaking the isolation of believing you’re the only one who grew up this way.
There’s humour sprinkled through the chat, but the message is serious: “We’re just walking around with our childhood wounds,” says Veronica, and those patterns can change with awareness, support and honest conversation. If any of these traits sound uncomfortably familiar, what small step could you take today towards getting the support you deserved as a child and still deserve now?
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