#812 Shame & Leading Double Lives - Krissy Johnson

#812 Shame & Leading Double Lives - Krissy Johnson

How do people cope with the challenges of staying sober from old patterns of shame, secrecy and self‑betrayal? This conversation between Paul Gilmartin and Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist Krissy (Chrissy) Johnson pulls back the curtain on what it’s like to lead a double life and slowly come out of hiding. Krissy talks candidly about growing up after a painful divorce, feeling responsible for her mother’s emotions, and chasing male attention to fill an old wound.

That hunger for validation eventually fed into years of sensual massage and sex work, all hidden behind a respectable cover story. She explains how compartmentalising became her survival tool: one self in the massage room, another self everywhere else.

Things turn darker when she describes a manipulative partner who weaponised her secret past: “Nobody else is going to love you like I can.” His threat to expose her finally pushed Krissy to do the one thing she’d always feared most—tell her family the truth. Instead of rejection, she was met with love, pride and relief. That moment, she says, began the long process of dismantling shame.

Now a therapist, Krissy works with escorts, sex workers and anyone living a double life, using approaches like Internal Family Systems to help people befriend the parts of themselves they’ve been running from. She shares how it feels to sit with her own “exiles”, to sob on the bed without yet knowing the full story behind the pain, and still stay present.

If you’ve ever felt your past makes you unlovable, or feared that telling the truth will blow up your life, this conversation might feel like someone saying the quiet parts out loud. Could sharing more of your real story be the first step towards feeling less alone?