#814 Stoic Empathy - Shermin Kruse

#814 Stoic Empathy - Shermin Kruse

How do people find strength in their journey to sobriety and self-mastery? This conversation between Paul Gilmartin and author, law professor and speaker Shermin Kruse brings together addiction recovery themes, childhood trauma, war, and philosophy in a surprisingly warm and funny way. Shermin talks about growing up in Iran during the revolution and war, then emigrating to Canada and later the US.

She shares how living a double life under a repressive regime, hiding music, alcohol and joy from morality police, shaped her ideas about power, morality and courage. Her parents’ calm, steady presence under missiles and tyranny becomes a living example of what she later calls “stoic empathy”.

Paul relates these ideas directly to addiction and recovery – from his own history of fantasy, self-righteousness and support groups, to the discipline of asking, “What do I actually control here?” Shermin brings stoicism down to earth: it’s less about being cold and more about building the strength to do the right thing when it’s deeply uncomfortable. She sums it up as aiming for consistency between values and actions, rather than perfection.

Shermin jokes that she wrote a book on self-control and still sometimes loses her temper in front of her kids, then shares a favourite tool: “The easiest way to stop thinking about yourself is to do something for other people.” For anyone in recovery, or living with someone who is, this episode offers a rich mix of philosophy, trauma stories, humour and practical tools – from expanding the gap between stimulus and response to using service as a way out of obsessive thinking.

There’s also honest chat about ageing, vanity and that familiar spiral of self-obsession. It quietly asks: what would it look like if your sobriety, ethics and empathy all lined up? So, which arrow are you choosing to fire today, and how close is it to the life you actually want?