Choosing Self-CompassionChoosing Self-Compassion
ACA Tuesday Zoombox
Jen R shares her ACA journey from a chaotic, neglectful childhood to learning self-compassion through affirmations and an inner loving parent. She talks about balancing a harsh inner critic, a playful inner child, and the challenge of allowing joy while life and the wider world feel difficult.
14:50•30 Jul 2026
Choosing Self-Compassion: Jen R on Calming the Inner Critic in ACA Recovery
Episode Overview
- Affirmations from the ACA Big Red Book are used as a practical tool to challenge a harsh inner critical parent and build self-kindness.
- Jen contrasts her demanding inner "coach" with a playful inner child, and works on developing an inner loving parent to hold both with understanding.
- Growing up with abandonment, death and emotional neglect continues to affect adult life, but recovery offers new ways to respond with grace rather than blame.
- Simple tools like a feelings-wheel pillow, drawing time with ACA friends, and a jar of written affirmations support emotional awareness and self-soothing.
- Choosing joy, fun and celebration is framed as a valid part of recovery, even when the wider world feels heavy or frightening.
“"What happens if we're too nice to ourselves? ... What I've learned in this program is this is just right. It's really right to affirm myself."”
Curious about how others navigate their sobriety journey? This share from Jen R, a self-described "grateful ACA", centres on one deceptively simple idea: choosing self-compassion in the middle of chaos. Jen talks honestly about growing up in a deeply dysfunctional home: a checked-out mum, a father who left when she was two, multiple deaths by the age of four, and being left to live alone as a young teenager when her mother moved in with an alcoholic partner.
She jokes about being a Gen X kid who "raised herself" – then gently admits that no child can really do that well. Six years into ACA, Jen describes the tug-of-war between her harsh inner "Bobby Knight" coach – a furious, perfectionist critical parent – and her playful inner child who just wants to paint, travel and avoid anything that looks like a corporate job.
Stuck between overworking and overindulging, she’s learning to grow an inner loving parent who can hold both sides without constant war. The heart of her share is about affirmations. Once something she rolled her eyes at in Al-Anon, they’ve become a key tool for quieting that brutal inner critic.
Reading from the ACA Big Red Book, she highlights lines like "It is okay to give myself a break" and "My feelings are okay, even if I'm still learning how to distinguish them", explaining how repeating these phrases shifts how she treats herself and the people around her. Jen also shares simple, creative practices: group drawing sessions, a jar of hand-written affirmations for tough days, even a feelings-wheel pillow to help name emotions.
She finishes by naming how hard it feels to allow joy in a difficult world, and why telling herself "you deserve to have joy" is part of her ongoing recovery. If you’ve ever felt guilty for resting, having fun, or being kind to yourself, this share might feel like a much-needed permission slip. Where could you offer yourself the same grace?
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