Dating as a SWer: A Therapist's Perspective (Part 1)Dating as a SWer: A Therapist's Perspective (Part 1)
A Stripper's Guide
Host Delilah Saul and therapist Liz Afton talk through common dating red flags sex workers face, including control disguised as “boundaries” and financial coercion. The conversation focuses on how stigma, jealousy and chronic distrust can quietly undermine relationships and self-worth.
26:57•14 Feb 2026
Dating Red Flags for Sex Workers: A Therapist Breaks It Down
Episode Overview
- So-called “boundaries” that dictate what kind of sex work a partner is allowed to do are actually attempts to control their behaviour and choices.
- Using a partner’s sex work as grounds to call them a cheat ignores professional boundaries and warps the idea of labour and intimacy.
- Controlling how a partner earns money, or threatening to leave if they choose certain work, is a form of financial coercion that limits their options and safety.
- Chronic jealousy and accusations often reflect the insecure partner’s own issues, and can become emotionally abusive over time.
- Persistent distrust erodes the foundation of a relationship, as trust is essential for genuine intimacy and mutual respect.
“"Boundaries are about what we ourselves will expose ourselves to or tolerate or engage with or not. It's not about controlling other people's behavior."”
What drives someone to seek a life without hiding who they are in relationships? This candid conversation between host Delilah Saul and therapist/somatic healing coach Liz Afton looks straight at the messy, painful patterns sex workers often face when dating. Aimed at sex workers and anyone who dates them, the episode focuses on relationship red flags, especially the subtle ones that are easy to excuse away.
Liz has spent nearly 15 years working with sex workers, queer and trans survivors, neurodivergent folks and other "weirdos, outsiders, artists" who feel shut out by mainstream mental health care. That experience shapes everything she shares here. You’ll hear them unpack partners’ “saviour” complexes, entitlement to sex, and the way stigma can be weaponised. One standout moment is Liz’s blunt reminder: "Boundaries are about what we ourselves will expose ourselves to or tolerate or engage with or not.
It's not about controlling other people's behavior." From there, they tackle partners who claim sex work is the same as cheating, and how that idea twists both labour and intimacy. The episode also shines a light on financial coercion, like threatening to break up if a worker starts escorting or changes how they earn money. Liz links this to a long history of controlling feminised people by limiting financial independence.
Chronic distrust comes up too: Delilah describes repeatedly being treated as untrustworthy despite being open and honest, and Liz explains how that kind of suspicion slowly "erodes" the foundation of any relationship. The tone is warm, frank and occasionally darkly funny, while still naming abuse and control for what they are. If you’ve ever wondered whether your partner’s discomfort is a reasonable concern or a red flag, this conversation may give you language for what your gut already knows.
What patterns in your own relationships suddenly look different after hearing this?
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