EP 0099 - Resolving Anger Through Grief
EP 0099 - Resolving Anger Through Grief

It’s Not You, It’s Your Trauma - Trauma, PTSD, Abuse, Anxiety & Recovery - Joe Ryan

Joe Ryan shares how grieving the loss of a safe childhood and a close friend helped him resolve deep anger toward his parents and soften lifelong defences. He reflects on triggers, shame and codependency, and how learning to trust himself created space for healthier, more genuine connections.

HonestInspiringHealingInformativeAuthentic

20:41•12 May 2026

RSS Feed

Resolving Anger, Grieving Childhood and Letting People In

Episode Overview

Unresolved anger toward an abusive parent can shape every relationship, so working through that hurt is central to healing.
Grieving the loss of a safe childhood and the parents you needed but never had helps dismantle the defences that block connection.
Triggers such as shame, anxiety and rage act as signals pointing back to old pain that needs to be re-experienced and understood.
Building inner safety and self-trust allows you to set boundaries, let people in, and give from choice rather than obligation or fear.
True change comes from doing the inner work yourself, instead of waiting for others to fix or validate you.

“You have to sit in your pain long enough till you fucking understand it.”

What drives someone to seek a life without numbing out their pain? This episode of "It’s Not You, It’s Your Trauma" follows Joe Ryan as he talks candidly about resolving deep anger by finally grieving what was lost – particularly around abusive parents and a childhood that never felt safe.

Joe speaks straight from his own story: years of cutting off contact with his family, finding a “surrogate family” in a close friend, and then being cracked wide open by that friend’s sudden death. Instead of blotting out the pain with substances, fights or distractions, he says, “I legitimately grieved the loss,” and that process forced him to confront his defences, shame and fear of connection.

You’ll hear him unpack how unresolved hurt with a “source figure” shapes friendships, romantic relationships and even the way you see yourself. He admits, “I’m an addict for approval,” and describes how people-pleasing, codependency and emotional walls kept him both ‘safe’ and painfully alone. A key thread is the idea that every trigger and shame spiral is a signal, not a disaster.

Joe frames anxiety, anger and isolation as flares pointing back to old wounds: “You have to sit in [your pain] long enough till you fucking understand it.” Through that work, he moves from pure rage at his parents to seeing them as “scared, unloved children” – without excusing the harm they caused. This episode speaks directly to anyone in recovery who’s tired of repeating the same patterns with family, partners and friends.

If you’ve ever felt torn between craving closeness and fearing it, or stuck in anger at your parents, Joe’s story offers raw honesty, practical emotional work, and a reminder that “You are the only person who will never leave you.” So, where might your own anger be hiding the grief that still needs to be felt?

PreviousGroup Coaching Session