Phyllis Leavitt: The Wounded States of America | Episode 164Phyllis Leavitt: The Wounded States of America | Episode 164
Brain Shaman
Psychotherapist Phyllis Leavitt talks with Michael Waite about America as a traumatised family, linking social crises and addiction to unmet needs for love and belonging. They discuss deep listening, responsibility, and spiritual connection as ways individuals and societies might begin to heal.
1:03:09•8 Apr 2026
America in Therapy: Phyllis Leavitt on Trauma, Love and a Path to Healing
Episode Overview
- Societal problems such as violence, crime, homelessness and addiction are framed as symptoms of unprocessed pain rather than proof of individual worthlessness.
- Healthy systems provide love, safety, and fair conflict resolution, while abusive systems hoard power, silence vulnerability and then blame people for their symptoms.
- Deep listening and nonviolent communication help people move from blame and righteousness towards responsibility, repair and reconnection.
- Both psychology and spirituality can work together in healing; tending to emotional wounds often opens a stronger, clearer connection to one’s "higher self" or sense of the divine.
- Core human needs – to be seen, loved and to safely belong – sit underneath much destructive behaviour, and meeting these needs can change both personal recovery and wider culture.
“"If an injury or a loss or a betrayal of love and safe belonging is the deepest wound, then it can be healed by bringing back love and safe belonging."”
What makes a recovery story truly inspiring? Brain Shaman host Michael Waite sits down with psychotherapist and author Phyllis Leavitt to talk about America as if it were one big, hurting family – and what genuine healing might look like. Drawing on 34 years as a therapist for families, couples, children, and individuals, Phyllis talks about the United States as a "wounded system" with deep, unprocessed trauma.
She compares healthy families, where "we feel loved" and "relatively emotionally safe", with abusive ones marked by power imbalances, silencing, and punishment of symptoms. Then she applies this directly to issues like homelessness, violence, racial injustice and addiction, where people are often blamed for the very symptoms of their pain. For anyone interested in alcohol or addiction recovery, you’ll recognise a familiar pattern: hurt people acting out their wounds, then being shamed for it.
Michael openly connects this to his own past, noting that "of course, alcohol was also involved in a lot of that suffering," and how meditation and reflection helped him see the childhood belief that "nobody cares about me" driving his behaviour. Phyllis shares how deep listening, compassion, and genuine safety can shift people from blame to responsibility: in therapy, many clients suddenly realise, "oh my God, that’s how I’m treating my coworker" or their child.
She argues this same psychological wisdom is missing at a national level, where policies often mirror abusive family dynamics – starving some "children" while overfeeding others.
The conversation also touches on spirituality, inner guidance, and that basic human need to be seen – not as a narcissistic demand, but as "one of the basic foods for human beings." If you’re tired of harsh moralising around addiction, mental health, or social problems, this episode offers a more compassionate question: what might change if we treated symptoms as a call for help rather than a call for blame?
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