Ep. 93 - The Third Option

Ep. 93 - The Third Option

What are the common struggles and victories in addiction recovery? This conversation zooms in on one very specific battle: being married to someone who won’t stop using pornography, no matter how many talks, ultimatums, or therapy referrals get thrown at the problem. Katie, speaking directly to wives who feel exhausted, resentful, and stuck, lays out what she sees as three basic paths. The first is the one most people default to: trying to “make” a husband take accountability.

That can look like boundaries that secretly function as control, repeated talks, or emotional pressure to get him into recovery. As she puts it, it might sound like healthy couple work, but in practice, “you cannot control another person, no matter how nice and lovely that sounds.” The second option is giving up on trying to change him but staying, simmering in anger and resignation.

The behaviour hasn’t shifted, but the energy has: the marriage sits under a constant cloud of frustration and blame. Then comes the “third option”, the one that gives the episode its name. Here, the wife accepts a hard reality: “There is a 0% chance that you can make lasting change for your husband.” His recovery, honesty, and accountability are entirely his job.

Her job is deciding how she wants to show up – as a woman and as a wife – regardless of what he chooses. This isn’t about rolling over or excusing harmful behaviour. Katie stresses that acceptance doesn’t dictate whether someone stays or leaves; instead, it creates the clarity to make those big decisions from peace rather than fear and control.

For women of faith, especially in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, this episode offers language for a struggle many keep silent. If you’re tired of trying to fix someone else’s addiction, could this “third option” be the one that finally sets you free?