Ep. 94 - Are You Being Naive?

Ep. 94 - Are You Being Naive?

How do people find strength in their journey to sobriety and sexual integrity when betrayal is part of the story? This episode of Supported Sobriety zooms in on women living with a partner’s pornography use, especially those who can’t stop checking his phone, analysing every mood change, or scanning the room for danger. Katie Davis speaks candidly about the "fear of being naive" that kicks in the moment a woman considers easing off the constant monitoring.

The brain screams, *"If I stop checking, then I'm just being naive"* or *"I'm excusing his behaviour"*, and that fear feels smart and protective. Katie gently calls it what it is: a mental trap that keeps women stuck in pain rather than moving towards real healing.

Drawing from years of coaching women through betrayal trauma, she explains the idea of "faulty core beliefs" formed early in life, especially the common one: *"I am stupid."* That belief often sits behind the panic about missing something or being lied to again. The more that belief runs the show, the more hypervigilant and exhausted a person becomes.

Instead of pushing women to ignore reality or pretend everything is fine, Katie talks about healing at the root so a woman can say, "Even if he lies, I will still know I'm not stupid." From that place, she argues, you can decide calmly whether to keep checking his phone, set clearer boundaries, or even leave the relationship — but from peace rather than fear.

The tone is honest, warm, and slightly playful (she even laughs about a recent unedited episode mishap and her not-so-outdoorsy girls’ camp adventure), which makes a heavy topic easier to sit with. If you’ve ever wondered whether easing up on control makes you naive, or whether there’s another way to protect your heart, this conversation might be the reset your nervous system has been craving. What would it feel like to trust yourself more than your fear?