Ep350 – Jane is Lifting Heavy Things to Deal with Heavy ThingsEp350 – Jane is Lifting Heavy Things to Deal with Heavy Things
Untoxicated Podcast
Jane, a long-time partner of an alcoholic, explains how she shifted from codependency to “discovery” through boundaries, resentment work and lifting heavy weights. The conversation links trauma, body awareness and everyday discipline in both sobriety and physical health, with plenty of real-life humour and candour.
1:33:02•1 Jun 2026
Jane Lifts Heavy Weights and Lets Go of Heavy Resentment
Episode Overview
- Healing for partners is ongoing “discovery”, not a return to how things were before addiction.
- Healthy detachment means stepping back from fixing a partner’s problems and leaving space for them to take responsibility.
- Strength training and intentional movement can help reconnect to the body, release stored stress, and validate physical pain linked to emotional strain.
- Resentments may never fully vanish, but processing them and accepting the “missing toe” helps reduce reactivity and shame.
- Discipline comes before motivation in both sobriety and physical health; small daily choices gradually build genuine desire for change.
“It’s over now, so stop being angry… is offensive. You can be not okay, and you don’t have to know how to fix that soon so someone else can feel better.”
Curious about how others manage the emotional weight of living with addiction? This conversation with Jane, a long-time member of Echoes of Recovery, offers a blend of honesty, humour, and hard-won wisdom that many partners of drinkers will recognise instantly. Jane, who coined the term “discovery” for her growth work because “there is no going back,” talks with hosts Sheri and Matt Salis about what happens after the drinking stops.
She explains how years of chaos reshaped her nervous system, her parenting, and her marriage, and why comments like, “It’s over now, so stop being angry,” feel “literally… offensive” when the hurricane of addiction finally calms. The episode digs into detachment and boundaries from the partner’s side. Jane shares how she stopped fixing her husband’s problems, even after a relapse: “I love you, and I hope you figure it out.
I can’t keep stepping in to tell you how to solve these problems.” That shift didn’t ruin his sobriety; it helped her reclaim her own life. A big theme is the link between body and trauma.
Now working in the fitness industry, Jane uses lifting heavy weights as a practical coping tool: “Lifting heavy things helped me feel in my body… I’ve got to get up and I’ve got to go throw some stuff around.” She describes clients crying on the gym floor when someone finally says, “Yeah, that feels funny. It doesn’t feel right,” validating pain that’s often been ignored.
There’s plenty of relatable humour too, from “fat cat trauma” to walking around “on marshmallows” in squishy trainers instead of feeling grounded through bare feet. For anyone who’s been the one holding everything together, this chat offers permission to step back, feel your anger, protect your energy, and ask: what if your healing is about discovery, not going back to how things were?
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