Episode 90 “Active Listening”Episode 90 “Active Listening”
The Better Mental Health Show
Dr Christopher Fasano explains how active listening differs from simply hearing and why it matters for mental health and relationships. Practical tips and the RASA method give listeners clear tools to become more present, respectful listeners in everyday life.
17:01•6 Sept 2021
Active Listening: How To Actually Hear The People You Love
Episode Overview
- Active listening means consciously processing what someone says, rather than passively hearing sounds.
- Common barriers to good listening include daydreaming, planning your response, judging the speaker and aiming for a set outcome.
- Nonverbal cues such as eye contact, nodding and facial expressions help others feel heard and respected.
- Tools like paraphrasing, open questions and the RASA method (receive, appreciate, summarise, ask) can deepen conversations and build closeness.
- Teaching children basic listening habits early on can help them communicate better and support their long-term mental wellbeing.
“"Listening is not hearing."”
Ever wondered what it takes to be the kind of person others actually feel safe talking to? Episode 90 of The Better Mental Health Show zooms in on exactly that, focusing on how active listening can strengthen relationships and support better mental health. Hosted by developmental neuroscientist Dr Christopher Fasano, this episode breaks down the difference between simply hearing someone and truly listening.
As he puts it, "Listening is not hearing," and most people in a conversation are "just hearing and not listening." He openly admits that listening is the part he struggles with most, making the episode feel honest and relatable rather than preachy. Dr Fasano uses ideas from Birgit Ohlin’s work on communication to outline common listening mistakes: daydreaming, planning your response, judging the speaker, and listening with a fixed outcome in mind.
If you’ve ever caught yourself rehearsing your reply instead of paying attention, you’ll recognise yourself here. From there, he walks through six practical steps to better active listening: nonverbal involvement (eye contact and nodding), paying full attention to the speaker, practising non-judgment, tolerating silence, paraphrasing what you’ve heard, and asking open questions. He highlights Julian Treasure’s RASA acronym – "receive, appreciate, summarise and ask" – as a simple way to remember what good listening looks like.
Parents get a special nod too, with tips on teaching kids to look people in the eye, ask questions, and use nonverbal cues, even in a noisy, screen-filled world. While the show regularly touches on issues like anxiety, depression and addiction, this chapter centres on communication as a daily mental health skill.
If you’ve ever thought you were a “good listener” but aren’t so sure your family would agree, this episode might give you a gentle nudge to test that out – and maybe change it.
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