How To Avoid A Relapse: Mistake #4 Getting Into A RelationshipHow To Avoid A Relapse: Mistake #4 Getting Into A Relationship
I Love Being Sober
Tim Westbrook talks about how getting into a romantic relationship too soon can become Mistake #4 on the path to relapse. He shares his own experience of waiting a year to date and explains why focusing on recovery first can lead to healthier relationships later on.
17:52•12 Jul 2022
Why Early Relationships Can Derail Your First Year of Sobriety
Episode Overview
- Avoid starting a new romantic relationship in at least your first year of sobriety, and focus on completing your recovery steps.
- Use early recovery to build healthy platonic relationships and learn to connect without hidden agendas or substance use.
- Accept that as you grow healthier, you’ll attract healthier partners, so patience can lead to better-fitting relationships.
- Practise socialising, dating and even dancing without relying on alcohol or drugs to feel comfortable.
- Prioritise honesty and commitment in relationships, avoiding lying, cheating or “shenanigans” that can trigger guilt, shame and potential relapse.
“Once you get a little farther along in your recovery, you will start attracting a different person. And trust me, it will be worth the wait.”
What drives someone to seek a life without alcohol? This episode of *I Love Being Sober* zooms in on a surprisingly risky trap for people in early recovery: jumping into a new romantic relationship too soon. Host Tim Westbrook talks directly to people in their first year of sobriety, breaking down why “getting into a relationship” is labelled Mistake #4 on the road to relapse.
He explains how he used that time to learn “how to have healthy platonic relationships” and, in his words, “how to not be a sleazebag.” You’ll hear how practising genuine connection, vulnerability and being present – without alcohol, drugs or hidden agendas – gradually turned him into “a safe person to be around and a safe person to be with.” A key message is patience: “The person you attract today is not going to help you get to where you want to be.
The person that you attract once you're a little farther along is going to be a much better fit.” Tim traces how waiting, working the steps, and building friendships first led to progressively healthier relationships over the years, all without lying, cheating or “shenanigans on the side.” The episode is aimed at anyone in early recovery who’s tempted to date quickly, and it offers a clear recommendation: focus on your recovery for at least the first year, finish your steps, and use that time to build strong, platonic connections.
He’s clear and straight-talking: recovery is likely the hardest thing you’ve ever done, and a brand-new romance can easily pull focus from the one thing that has to come first – staying clean and sober. Tim shares his own story of choosing not to date in his first year.
The message is simple but challenging – and Tim insists “trust me, it will be worth the wait.” If you’re wondering whether romance might be helping or harming your sobriety, this conversation could be a powerful reality check.
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