How to Tame Your Advice Monster and Become a Better Listener | Michael Bungay StanierHow to Tame Your Advice Monster and Become a Better Listener | Michael Bungay Stanier
The One You Feed
Author Michael Bungay Stanier talks with Eric Zimmer about quieting the inner “advice monster” by staying curious, asking better questions, and embracing paradoxes like being both humble and confident. The discussion blends coaching tools, shadow work, and the messy reality of success and self‑doubt.
1:04:57•5 Jun 2026
Taming Your Advice Monster: Michael Bungay Stanier on Questions, Curiosity and Real Connection
Episode Overview
- Pause the “advice monster” by staying curious a little longer and delaying the urge to fix things.
- Use short, clear questions and avoid long build‑ups or advice disguised as questions.
- Recognise and own your shadow traits instead of projecting them onto others, which can ease long‑held resentments.
- Balance humility and confidence by seeing both your strengths and weaknesses without self‑effacement.
- Care deeply about doing good work while holding outcomes lightly, focusing on process rather than obsessing over results.
“The more you can realise how little you actually know about the person… the more you can realise how unlikely it is that the advice you've got is the advice that they're actually looking for.”
Ever catch yourself jumping in with solutions before someone’s even finished their sentence? This conversation with author and coach Michael Bungay Stanier is all about that familiar itch to fix things and how to quiet it down. Michael calls it the “advice monster” – that part of us that can’t wait to weigh in, fix, and solve. His simple antidote?
“Stay curious a little bit longer, rush to advice a little bit more slowly.” Across the episode, he and host Eric Zimmer chat through how curiosity, good questions, and genuine presence can make everyday conversations far more helpful – whether it’s with friends, family, colleagues, or clients. You’ll hear the backstory of Michael’s hit book *The Coaching Habit* – turned down repeatedly by a traditional publisher, then self-published and eventually becoming the best‑selling coaching book of the last 25 years.
He speaks frankly about bruised confidence, taking a risk on himself, and what it’s like to be, in his words, a “one‑hit wonder” who’s still proud of the work that followed. The heart of the episode digs into core coaching principles: asking shorter, cleaner questions, resisting the urge to give advice in disguise (“Have you thought about…?”), and recognising how little we really know about someone else’s struggle.
Michael shares powerful exercises around shadow work, owning the less‑flattering parts of ourselves instead of pretending they don’t exist, and how that reduces old resentments. There’s also a run of juicy paradoxes: being both confident and humble, light and grounded, fierce and loving, and learning to care deeply about your work while not clinging to outcomes. It’s thoughtful, funny, and very human – ideal for anyone who wants to support others without trying to control them.
If your inner advice monster likes to run the show, what small experiment in staying curious could you try in your next conversation?
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