Obsessing Over What Others Think of You

Obsessing Over What Others Think of You

What drives someone to seek a life where other people’s opinions don’t run the show? This Inner Bonding episode looks straight at that daily mental loop of, "Did I say the wrong thing? Do they like me?" and shows how it ties into self-abandonment rather than other people’s behaviour. Dr Margaret Paul talks about how obsessing over what others think starts with a wounded inner child who learnt early on to chase approval for safety.

Through real-life examples with her clients Glenn and Julie, you’ll see how a simple shift in intention—from "How can I get them to like me?" to "What do I have to offer here?"—can turn dread-filled social events into relaxed, even enjoyable experiences.

She explains that trying to control others’ perceptions is a losing game: "You don't have control over what others think about you or how they see you or treat you." Instead, the focus moves to Inner Bonding’s first two steps: noticing your feelings as signals of self-abandonment, and choosing to learn what’s loving to you rather than chasing validation.

The episode breaks down how strategies like people-pleasing, perfectionism and over-giving may have made sense in childhood, but now keep adults stuck in anxiety, emptiness and unhealthy relationships. Dr Margaret describes anxiety as your inner child saying, "You're giving me away to others for their approval," and offers a practical way back—developing a "loving adult" who takes responsibility for feelings and treats the self with kindness instead of harsh judgment.

If you’re tired of mentally replaying conversations, shrinking yourself in groups, or feeling your worth rise and fall based on someone else’s reaction, this episode gives you a clear framework to shift from chasing approval to genuine self-care. It asks a simple but challenging question: next time you worry what someone thinks of you, will you check in with them—or finally check in with yourself?