Recovery Rewired Series - The Theatre of Surprise

Recovery Rewired Series - The Theatre of Surprise

Curious about how others navigate their sobriety journey? This Recovery Rewired instalment from Tribe Sober focuses on why “knowing better isn’t enough” and why people keep saying, “I can’t believe I drank again,” even when the pattern is painfully familiar. Host Lynette Larue introduces Dr Julia de Gangi’s idea of the “theatre of surprise” – those moments when someone says, “I can’t believe he did that,” or “I can’t believe I’m still having cravings,” despite years of the same behaviour.

As Lynette gently points out, “Most of the things we are shocked by are not actually surprises at all. They are familiar. Colliding with an uncomfortable truth.” You’ll hear about May, who notices that travel days, unstructured evenings and certain emotions keep triggering thoughts of drinking.

Once she recognises the pattern, everything shifts from “Why does this keep happening?” to “Ah, there it is again.” That small change moves her from feeling stuck to feeling conscious and able to prepare, plan and reach out. Lynette breaks down how the brain acts as a prediction machine, why it mistakes familiar for safe, and how resistance to reality (“This shouldn’t be happening”) often hurts more than the craving, the slip, or the difficult person.

She introduces the idea of “emotional adulthood” – dropping the shocked performance and simply saying, “This is what is. Now what?” With lines like “Honesty is not punishment. Honesty is freedom,” the episode invites anyone sober, sober curious, or struggling with repeated patterns to look at where they’re pretending to be surprised, and what truths, disappointments or grief might need to be faced instead.

It’s a gentle nudge to stop arguing with reality and start using that energy to build a different future. Where in your own life are you still acting surprised by what you already know?