It’s Not About Just Waking Up, It’s About Growing UpIt’s Not About Just Waking Up, It’s About Growing Up
Emotional Sobriety: The Next Step in Recovery
Thom’s Nutshell: “Recipe for peace of mind: KNOW what you believe. KNOW what is important. KNOW what is within your control. LIVE congruently with what you believe.” Thom and Patrick discuss “the upside of addiction” (as a means of climbing out of it), emotional sobriety and relationship struggles, using during therapy, and approaching addiction as a binary choice between life and death. Our music is provided by the great southern artist Jefferson Ross. Learn more about Jefferson at jeffersonross.com Visit our website: www.emotionalsobriety.info Follow us on social media: Instagram: thomrutledge2 Joe C. Twitter: @Rebellion_Dogs Learn more about Joe C., Secular AA and Rebellion Dogs here: https://rebelliondogspublishing.com Friendly Circle Berlin workshops: https://friendlycircleberlin.org/events Allen’s book, 12 Essential Insights for Emotional Sobriety: https://www.amazon.com/12-Essential-Insights-Emotional-Sobriety/dp/1955415129/ Join Allen & Thom at our Thursday night, 7pm PST Zoom meeting on Emotional Sobriety and the Steps (login information below): https://zoom.us/j/330149513 Password: 375986 For our ongoing workshop video series on Emotional Sobriety and the 12 Steps, visit our YouTube channel here: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCHEM2-kqLkfp3I4c0jy-X-g Also, please join our “Emotional Sobriety and Recovery” FB Group at the following link: https://www.facebook.com/groups/120450976662519 We’d love to stay in touch in between meetings. We appreciate feedback! Contact Patrick, our producer, at pndirective4@gmail.com for any questions or comments.
29:35•24 May 2026
Growing Up in Sobriety: Beliefs, Control and the "Upside" of Addiction
Episode Overview
- Emotional sobriety hinges on knowing your beliefs, values and limits of control, then living consistently with them.
- Relationship problems in recovery are common and can be treated as opportunities for growth rather than proof of defectiveness.
- Many people enter recovery driven by fear and avoidance, but long-term change often requires shifting towards positive reasons to stay sober.
- Therapy and treatment are most effective when the person’s own decision about addiction is central, rather than simply agreeing with a programme.
- Addiction often feels smarter and stronger one-on-one, which is why shared support and honest dialogue are crucial.
“Recipe for peace of mind: KNOW what you believe. KNOW what is important. KNOW what is within your control. LIVE congruently with what you believe.”
How do people find strength in their journey to sobriety? This conversation between Thom Rutledge, Dr Allen Berger and their returning friend Patrick leans straight into that question with honesty, humour and a fair bit of real-life messiness. Patrick talks about relationship wobles, long-distance trips and the anxiety of feeling disconnected from a partner.
Instead of treating it as a character flaw, Thom reframes it as “just like all the other emotional sobriety stuff – an opportunity to work on it”. That tone runs through the whole chat: nothing is pathologised, but nothing is sugar-coated either. The heart of the episode is Thom’s “nutshell” of emotional sobriety: “Recipe for peace of mind: KNOW what you believe. KNOW what is important. KNOW what is within your control.
LIVE congruently with what you believe.” Patrick shares how, near the end of his using, he realised he believed one set of values while living the opposite, and how recovery has slowly closed that painful gap. The target audience is anyone in recovery who feels stuck, confused or convinced they’re “a piece of shit” for not having it all sorted yet.
You’ll hear about the “upside of addiction” (the pull that keeps people going back), the way treatment can miss the crucial question “Do you think you’re an alcoholic?”, and why recovery often starts as a desperate attempt to avoid disaster before shifting into a life that’s actually worth protecting. There’s also a rich thread on therapy: using during sessions, paying for help while resisting it, and the point where motivation has to become your own.
Stories range from cocaine budgets to a getaway-car-driving client, all used to make a simple but uncomfortable point — change demands commitment. If you’ve ever wondered why you keep pouring energy into things you can’t control, or how to move from “have to” sobriety to “want to” sobriety, this conversation might give you a few questions worth sitting with. What parts of your life are you finally ready to live in line with what you believe?
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