The Five Points of Balance, Part OneThe Five Points of Balance, Part One
Emotional Sobriety: The Next Step in Recovery
Thom’s Nutshell: “The promise of perfection is a red herring. Don't be distracted from your pursuit of learning and improving.” Patrick celebrates eight years of sobriety and the gang discusses the importance of honoring recovery milestones. The 5 Points of Balance: Staying clear about our values and worth in the face of criticism (not letting others edit your sense of self). Calming our anxiety and comforting our emotional bruises or trauma. Grounded responding and not overreacting or under reacting when there is tension or anxiety. Confronting ourselves for our own integrity and able to meaningfully endure discomfort for our growth and development. Unhooking self, others and reality from unreasonable expectations. Our music is provided by the great southern artist Jefferson Ross. Learn more about Jefferson at jeffersonross.com Visit our website: www.emotionalsobriety.info Follow us on social media: Instagram: thomrutledge2 Joe C. Twitter: @Rebellion_Dogs Learn more about Joe C., Secular AA and Rebellion Dogs here: https://rebelliondogspublishing.com Friendly Circle Berlin workshops: https://friendlycircleberlin.org/events Allen’s book, 12 Essential Insights for Emotional Sobriety: https://www.amazon.com/12-Essential-Insights-Emotional-Sobriety/dp/1955415129/ Join Allen & Thom at our Thursday night, 7pm PST Zoom meeting on Emotional Sobriety and the Steps (login information below): https://zoom.us/j/330149513 Password: 375986 For our ongoing workshop video series on Emotional Sobriety and the 12 Steps, visit our YouTube channel here: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCHEM2-kqLkfp3I4c0jy-X-g Also, please join our “Emotional Sobriety and Recovery” FB Group at the following link: https://www.facebook.com/groups/120450976662519 We’d love to stay in touch in between meetings. We appreciate feedback! Contact Patrick, our producer, at pndirective4@gmail.com for any questions or comments.
30:07•5 Jun 2026
Staying Balanced: Milestones, Mood Swings and the First Three Points of Emotional Sobriety
Episode Overview
- Marking sobriety milestones openly can strengthen personal recovery and offer hope to newcomers.
- Emotional sobriety involves being "okay even if" rather than "okay only if", especially when life is uncomfortable.
- Maintaining balance starts with keeping your own values and worth at the centre, instead of letting external or internal critics define you.
- Anxiety can be eased through healthy tools such as changing perspective, breathing exercises, movement, creative activities, meetings, massage or meditation.
- Grounded responding means aligning reactions with reality, often by pausing before speaking and checking whether an issue is genuinely about others or about your own fears.
“What emotional sobriety has been for me is just that process of being okay even if rather than okay only if.”
Curious about how others navigate their sobriety journey? This conversation between Dr. Allen Berger, Thom Rutledge and Patrick digs into what they call the "five points of balance" in emotional sobriety, while also celebrating Patrick’s eight years alcohol-free. The tone is relaxed and funny, but the themes are serious.
Patrick talks about hitting his sobriety milestone and wondering, "who gives a shit?" about eight years, before realising that being open about it keeps his recovery alive and gives hope to others. Thom and Allen reflect on how far public understanding of addiction has come, and how sharing milestones helps the newcomer who’s still unsure if a joyful life without alcohol is possible.
From there, they move into the first point of balance: holding on to your values and self-worth in the face of criticism. Patrick frames it as keeping yourself "at the head of the committee" in your own mind, while Thom distinguishes between healthy self-criticism and destructive self-condemnation.
Allen links this to self-acceptance, describing emotional sobriety as "humility in relationship with ourselves" and stressing an "utter refusal to have an adversarial relationship with yourself." The second point focuses on calming anxiety and soothing emotional bruises without reaching for alcohol or drugs. Patrick shares how writing about films has become a gentle, sober way to wind down, while Allen lists practical tools like changing perspective, deep breathing, movement, meetings, massage and meditation.
They then touch the third point: grounded responding. Allen describes emotional sobriety as having a response that’s congruent with reality, neither overreacting nor shutting down, using a couple’s argument over SatNav directions as a light but telling example. Thom and Patrick add that sometimes the wisest move is to pause, let emotions settle, and only speak up later if the issue is still real.
If you’re looking for practical language and real-life examples to deepen your recovery beyond just "not drinking", this chat might give you a few questions to sit with: where are you on your own five points of balance?
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